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Learning to Trust

The past few weeks and months have taken me down a path that I never expected to walk. It has been a journey that has completely changed my life. My faith has been challenged in a completely unexpected way; through the hurt, pain, and tears God has shown Himself more real and more faithful than I’ve ever seen before!

Growing up I always dreamed of being a mother someday. Nothing excited me more as a child than hearing the news that I was going to have a new little brother or sister. I loved babies, and it was a delight to help care for them. Children were the greatest miracle in my eyes, and I spent all my free time babysitting. Every time I rocked a baby to sleep, I dreamed of someday cuddling my own little one. Being with children, reading Bible stories, singing, playing hide and seek, wiping away tiny tears, laughing together, and kissing away little boo boos were my greatest joys in life. I couldn’t wait to someday create these wonderful memories with my own children also.

In the late summer of 2015, after a fairy tale romance and blissful wedding, I settled into married life with my Prince Charming. He was everything I ever hoped for in a husband and more than I even dreamed a man could be. Our life seemed absolutely perfect! I graduated from college the spring after we married and was thrilled when my diploma arrived. Over the next few weeks, several friends announced pregnancies. I was elated for them and excited at the thought of possibly getting to babysit. 🙂 As days passed, I started to wonder when I would get pregnant. Wonder turned to concern, and concern grew to worry and fear. It seemed like suddenly everyone I knew was expecting a baby. I went to see my doctors, and they ran a few test and said, “Don’t even think about a baby until you’ve been married at least a year… babies take time!”

I was simply delighted with being married and loved every single moment with Brandon. With anticipation, I looked forward to him coming home every evening. We had so much fun together – hikes, picnics, spontaneous adventures, late night ice cream dates, walks in the park, trips home, moonlight strolls….I was enjoying everything a girl could possibly dream of in marriage…yet deep inside my heart, I longed to become a mommy.

Over the next few weeks and months, without even realizing what was happening, my view of life began to change. I was quickly growing more and more discontented and suddenly I found myself doubting God. Our first anniversary came and went and still no pregnancy. Now I knew something was definitely wrong, and I started praying and searching for a specialist. It didn’t take long to find one and make appointments. We were seen almost immediately, and with each new test my heart broke a little more. Night after night, I cried myself to sleep and felt like all my dreams and desires were shattered. Each night, Brandon held me close and let me cry until I had no more tears. He prayed with me and assured me that God had a plan and knew what He was doing. Yet, I had become so focused on the one thing I didn’t have that I was doubting God and His goodness. I kept asking, “Why me”? I had never before experienced the emotional pain that I was feeling at this time, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel like spending time with God or praying. It seemed that He was withholding something so precious from me for no reason at all. It didn’t seem fair. I remember late one night weeping and sharing with Brandon the deep heartache I was feeling. While he held me tight, I poured out my heart to him and shared that I was losing faith and had even started doubting God. I’ll never forget his gracious, understanding, and loving response that night. What he so tenderly shared over the next hour has literally changed everything for me!

Brandon encouraged me to be honest with God and ask for His grace to trust again. Then he challenged me to find the verses in Scripture that show God’s nature and to meditate on His promises. As I began asking God to help me see Him again and to give me grace to trust, He started changing my heart. As I searched for verses and meditated on who God is, my perspective changed. The following weeks God started allowing me to see how He had guided and provided throughout this entire journey. Not only has God shown me His hand of provision on the medical side of this walk (finding doctors, searching for answers, providing finances), He also has allowed me to see how this time has knit our hearts together as a couple. Walking through this together has created a trust and a love that words can’t even express. We’ve laughed and cried together, and each day has deepened our friendship. Even greater still, God has allowed me to see a glimpse of Him. The fellowship I’ve had with my Heavenly Father is unlike anything I dreamed possible. He truly has become my everything, and I’m learning that no matter what situation or circumstance life throws at me, Jesus Christ is the only one that can fully satisfy. I still cry often, and inside my heart feel the pain of infertility, yet in the midst of the hurt, I have a peace. God has shown me His love in deeper ways than I can fathom.  God is changing my heart and perspective. He is helping me to focus on the gifts He has already given me, and I am seeing in a whole new way treasures that I have taken for granted.

I’m so grateful to my parents for introducing us kids to a living God. He wasn’t something we just talked about on Sunday or at church…He was real in our lives every single day. They gave us the privilege of seeing Him do miracles by taking everything to God in prayer. They showed us first hand that God could be trusted no matter what. Over this past year that has been a greater blessing than I can express. I wasn’t emotionally prepared to face the heartache I have this year, but deep within my heart, I know that God does all things well!

This has been a hard subject to talk about and very painful to share with others, but I have received so much encouragement from so many who have reached out to us over the past year. We’ve received emails, letters, text, prayers, and little reminders of God’s love. Thank each of you for your words of endearment. We are truly grateful, and we are trying to learn to just rest in His plan!

~Michael Keilen

 

“Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.” Psalm 73:25,26,28

 

 

Comments 306

  1. Oh, Michael! God bless you and Brandon. Praying for you both and for God’s will to be done. He does have a plan but it is so hard to trust and be patient, isn’t it? Big hugs and many prayers being said for you. ❤️

  2. What a beautiful testemesnt Michael! So encouraged by your words today! I too have the same dream you had as a teenager and I am challenged by you to be more faithful and trusting in the Lord. “Entrust your works to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” – Proverbs 16:3. I’ll be praying for you! God bless!

  3. Hi Michaela, my husband and I both were told we could have babies…so we were so surprised to find out that I was pregnant after 3 years of being married…so miracles do happen! Best of Luck in achieving this dream!

  4. Thank you so much for this. Almost 10 years into our marriage with no kids, we took in our first foster placement to have the kids “put back” less than 2 weeks later, our house in actual shambles, and in debt due to the placement. Feeling like a failure, I now have serious anxiety of not only the state of my home but whether I was not meant to do this.
    My ever loving, faithful, husband is my strength. Keeping my eyes on the right course.

  5. Hi Michaela, my husband and I both were told we could have babies…so we were so surprised to find out that I was pregnant after 3 years of being married…so miracles do happen! Best of Luck in achieving this dream!

  6. Thank you for having the courage to share your heart. It has encouraged me and pointed me to God. I am praying for you both.

  7. Thank you for opening up about your story. I too struggle from infertility and obstacles with both myself and my husband where it’s almost a near impossibility for us to conceive on our own. However I know with God all things are possible!

  8. After 4 years of marriage my husband and I naturally conceived our sweet itty bitties…I wasn’t even sure I was pregnant when the day after Mother’s Day I miscarried them… I will tell you though my heart was absolutely broken, and aches still… God truly blessed us for that short time I was able to carry them (4 wks) my husband and I yearn for little ones, and honestly lost faith before the miscarriage… but God! Our itty bitty angels are in Heaven with our Father and we pray He blesses us again with a healthy pregnancy… Taking the time to thank Him for what I have now. I’m praying for ya’ll and would love for you to include me in your prayers!
    -hugs

  9. Michaela,
    I understand everything you are going through. My husband and I have been married for 9 years now and it took us 5 years to get our first son after 5 IUI’s. After two years later we did 2 IVF’s and got pregnant with twins but lost baby b at 9 weeks and we just lost our sweet Oliver at 33 weeks. He was born sleeping. Our hearts were broken because we tried so hard to get him here and then we lost him. I know the only thing that has gotten through all this is my faith. I pray every night and morning to just give me faith and strength to get through this all. I doubted he was really helping me but I know and seen Gods hand in helping me each days because infelitily really sucks. And IVF wasn’t really easy either. Please don’t give up. Some day and somehow you will be that mom you want to be. I hope I can find the money again to IVF again because we don’t have any more frozen eggs. I am praying for you. Please let me know if I can help you with anything.

  10. You are such a dear, sweet person and I pray that your baby comes soon. You will make a wonderful mother one day.

  11. Micheal this post broke my heart I know times can be hard I’m only 15 years old. I messaged you on instrgram last year and you’ve been a inspiration. For a lot of us I’m praying for you and I know god has planes wether it’s foster care or your own kids our though adoption. I really truly believe god has plane for you and Brandon.
    Lots of love from Australia 🇦🇺 ❤️❤️

  12. I love to see the faith that has grown towards God from you. Many of us go through different struggles and fight different battles to strengthen our faith. Its amazing what God has planned for our lives. A little about myself I got married at 16 (well I got pregnant first) then we got married and we still werent following Christ and after my first was born I realized I needed God in my life and got babtized so did my husband we walked together hand in hand and got pregnant again wth our second and right after out third I was 19 and already with 3 kids. Then the worst i thought could ever happen to me happened: my husband adultered and broke my heart, but God put in my heart to forgive him i didnt want to give my children a broken home, he is a great father. Now its just me and my children who I walk with now expecting number 5, sometimes i pray to change his heart, because I know that if God put in my heart to forgive him I know He can forgive my husband. Sometimes I hurt and I cry and ask why me, and I go to church and I find confort and faith grows. You are so blessed to have the person you love hold your hand in this moment, where he understands you and prays for. I dont have that and its ok no envy here, just know God loves you just as He loves me and my 5 children. And no i didnt dream with having babies and no I was never caring towards any before having my own, my dream was to have the man I love and me walk together in the path of God. He is amazing and merciful and will give you the happiness u deserve but you already know that. God bless and hopefully you read my message

  13. My husband and I have also been struggling with infertility. We’ve also had 2 miscarriages during the last year. I fully understand what it’s like to feel your relationship and trust with God waiver during this time. I’ll be keeping you all in my prayers.

  14. Bless your heart, Michaela! Although I cannot say, “I know what you are feeling,” I can say I have a sensitivity to this subject, as I have a sister and also a sister-in-law (and a few friends) who have walked similar valleys. I’m sorry for the ache in your heart, but I’m thankful for you for the grace and peace that God is giving you. You are gracious to be so open, and I trust Jesus will continue to grant that “peace that passes all understanding.”

  15. Michaela, thank you so much for sharing your journey and your perspective. I am in the same situation, and have felt the same things…the fear, the frustration, the doubts…and guilt (feeling like something is wrong with me, and I am depriving my husband of something precious).

    I find hope in your testimony. I am encouraged by Brandon’s advice to look to scriptures of God’s promises and really focus on them.

    Thank you again; your bravery in posting this will help so many women in the same situation feel more peaceful. I pray for continued peace, AND a little miracle to come your way soon!

  16. Michaela,
    My name is Brooke and I live in a small town in NC. I myself can fully understand and relate to the struggle to conceive. I am also struggling with infertility. I have pcos and with having pcos it makes it even harder to conceive. Like you I have become upset with God and began to doubt him. I know that he will give me the desires of my heart and that main desire is to be a mommy. I have found a blog page through Facebook and Instagram called waiting for baby bird and I find that it helps. But you my sweet friend are not alone. You are among thousands of women who want to be become a mom and I hope someday that we all will get that desire granted. Stay strong and dont give up💜

  17. I love watching you guys on the show! Your family is so wonderful! I also went through infertility – it was a painful time. I’m happy to report that I have a wonderful red-headed teenage son. Please don’t give up hope. You will be the best mommy!! I’ll be praying for you. Xoxoxo

  18. Thank you for sharing something how this season has grown your relationship with God. It can so hard to share this pain and it can be so helpful to others to see how God is faithful
    to us in the “hills and valleys.” Praying for you and Brandon sweet sister….

  19. Michaela….
    Your post was so beautiful!
    I had those same feelings your described towards God when I became very ill and taking 4 years to get diagnosed with Lyme disease. Why me? Why am I being punished? What have I done to deserve this? I’d walk with God my entire life,… Living what I thought a good Christian. My tears, my questions and my feelings were cleared up when I realized God doesn’t punish his people, he doesn’t want us to hurt. I had made my mind up that God puts us on these journeys to show us our strengths, our ability to grow closer to him & those in our lives. I realized that all we go through, we learn lessons and become teachers, the shoulder to someone who will be new to the same journey and we’ll be there to hold them up and tell them it will be ok. You & Brandon’s love will withstand any journey in your marriage after this. My sweet husband, David & I will be married 35 years in August and we sure have been tested on our ‘in sickness & in health’ since I became sick in 2011. I’m 90% better, and I’m so thankful I have had God in our journey to hold us up. I’ll add you to my prayers! I have a good feeling God will bless you with a child…. It’s ok to question, but NEVER give of Hope.
    This passage got me through my darkest hours, when I felt hopeless.

    BTW….. Your Family’s Show has brought me so many giggles & joy!

    God Bless You Both!

  20. I walked the same road for 4 years and it’s so hard to wait to see God’s plan for you but he has one and it doesn’t always match up with how we want our life to be, but when it’s your turn to become a mom, you will cherish every moment even more dearly having had to wait for the right time!

  21. Praying for you and your family! Also, thank you SO much for sharing. More couples go through this than anyone knows and the isolation of infertility is one of the biggest stings. Every woman who shares her story comforts another. There is infertility all around me and I, myself experienced secondary infertility. The worst part was the questions, “When are you having a baby?” I hope more awareness makes people start to think twice about questions like that. No one knows what’s going on behind the scenes. Blessings o you!!

  22. Hi Michaela, first of all, I know first hand what you are going through. We found out after a year of marriage and trying that I have PCOS. I had to do self injections, 9 rounds of Clomid, and finally got pregnant with my first daughter. I had to take progesterone to maintain my pregnancy. A year later, we tried again. This time with out progesterone and I misscarried our second baby. I opted for a procedure called “ovarian drilling” to stimulate my ovaries. It worked! I got pregnant shortly after with out medication but sadly it heart stopped beating at 12 weeks. I was so angry with God. I would turn on the shower and yell at him. And you know what? He can handle it. Give it to him. All of it. He can handle it. Well I know he knew the desires of my heart. But I needed to come to the reality that maybe I needed to be okay and be complete with the one child we were given. So I did. 10 years later, I wasn’t feeling well. We were about to go on vacaction so as a “just in case” I took a pregnancy test just to rule that out. Well. It could not have turned blue any faster!! I was pregnant with our son!!! I immediately called the dr and asked to be put on progesterone!! It all worked! God is so good. Well, when our son was 9months old, I was feeling really emotional and just bleh. Again, before calling the dr. I took another pregnancy test. It was positive!! Again, I asked the dr for progesterone and 9months later our second daughter arrived!! Ok. So here’s where it gets crazy. I had horrible post partum depression after that one. When she was 9months old I just felt like something was wrong with me!! I asked got to take away my anger, frustration and just let me love my kids. I was also soo nauseous. I took a pregnancy test and I was pregnant with our fourth child, another daughter! I now have a 14year old and 3 kids under 3 years old. I am telling you this because it’s so important for women like us to know you aren’t alone in your fears, anger and frustrations. God knows the desire of your heart. He is working for you!! He adores you and has your baby planned for you!! It may not be exactly the way YOU have planned but He has a plan!! Research. Ask questions. Seek medical and homeopathic advice. Pray and breathe. Rest in Him. I hope this gives you hope.

  23. I myself have P.C.O.S.( Polycystic ovary syndrome), so I struggled getting my second child here. But you have to truly lean on the Lord. He is the only one who can make things happen. He will not let you down. You both are his children and he will guide you.

  24. I have walked the road you are on. Everyone was having babies – except me. And then second babies but I still had none. I prayed do hard for a baby. Doctors ran tests, surgery and fertility pills. We would have a challenge to conceive but it “might” happen. After 3 years, we decided to adopt. The moment I held my daughter, I knew this was the child I was meant to be a Mommy to. God’s plan was clear at last. Four years later I gave birth to another daughter. God’s timing and God’s plan. I know what you are going through and how difficult it can be to trust and wait. You and Brandon will stay in my prayers.

  25. Thank you for sharing your heart! My husband and I just celebrated 10 years of marriage, yet still no children. I work with children, and it has been on my heart for a very long time to be a mom. I am learning to trust in the Lord and His plan for us and our marriage as well. God bless!

  26. Dear Michael,

    Your post touched my heart. I love how you and your whole family truly live God’s love and although I know you and Brandon have been through so much heartache, please know that because you have shared your heartbreak you are helping others to see God’s love. I am middle-age and never found that perfect partner to share my life with and subsequently have no children and I too have doubted God but my faith continues to help me to realize that God does not make mistakes and I now accept that He has a different plan for my life. Thank you for sharing and I will be praying for you and Brandon!

    God bless you both!
    Celeste

  27. Oh, how I feel for you two! My husband & I were in the same boat as you. Wondering why me, or why NOT me? Eventually we decided to put in all in God’s hands. A short time after that we were pregnant &now have our beautiful baby girl. I will lift in pray you two& all other married couples longing to be parents!

  28. What gave me hope….

    ….. For I know the plans I have for You, “declares the Lord,” plans to prosper and not to harm You, plans to give you hope and a future.
    Jeremiah 29:11

  29. My husband and I watch the show without fail. I often have asked when will Miachela have a baby also? It breaks my heart to see you without. You’re a very beautiful smart kind soul. I pray for you often. But remember not all children are born to us from our flesh. Some are adopted and are born in our hearts. I do love what Brandon says that God’s not saying no forever just no for now. I believe you will be a momma soon enough. I am going to pray for you, you sweet wonderful soul. May your dreams come true soon.

  30. You remind me so much of myself. Love for babies, I always pictured myself with twins!
    One day as I was getting ready to go for an infertility test, God spoke loud and clear to me that was not his plan. This amazing peace came over me and has not left.
    You are on the right path, seeking God and opening up to your husband. You will be in awe of the people God will put in your path to encourage and tell you overcome.

  31. Praying for you both. So encouraged by your desire for the Lord and for Brandon’s faithful encouragement. You are brave to share with the world or I praise God for your faithfulness in your heartache. Praying for you and feeling such hope and compassion for you as a sister in Christ even though we probably won’t meet til heaven. I have four babies there whom I can’t wait to meet. I don’t know your pain of not getting pregnant, and I know the joy of raising children, but I also know the heartache of losing my babies before I ever got to kiss their fuzzy head. Running to Jesus for you, knowing He carries you close to His heart.

  32. Oh, Sweet Michaela! How I have been praying for you! I believe in my heart that through your faith and the prayers of all you have shared your story with, that you will be able to conceive! God never wastes a hurt. Someone is being touched and healed by your story! Keep the faith! Thanks for sharing!

    Brittany Weaklend

  33. I to have gone through that painful struggle. I was mad, lost, alone, and deeply hurt that I had dedicated my life as a youth minister and yet God with hold the joy of motherhood from me. My husband was my rock but even with that I struggled. Doctor visits, medications, tests, losing control, took over our lives but I was in a daze. I walked away from my ministry, took time away from my church, and finally said I have to pray. Long discussions with God, hours of tears, and finally I realized I had to leave it in Gods hands. I had to have trust, that he had a plan for us.
    Now we are waiting to adopt. Waiting for a birth mother to pick us. Once again my faith is tested, tears are shed, and long conversations with God.
    Have faith, know you are loved, and know you are not alone.

  34. Hi,
    I have never done this before but after reading this post I felt like my story might help you. I have also struggled with infertility. Like you I loved babysitting everyone’s kids and loved doting on them and I was so excited to become a mom. That has always been my main goal in lifw. My husband and I had been married for about 2 and a half years when we decided to start trying for a baby. After about 5 months I became very discouraged but like you everyone said oh well babies take a little time. Deep down I knew something was wrong. After about 2 more months some things were not adding up so my Dr requested a certain blood test to see about my egg count (this test is only done on people that have been trying for years) they called me about two days later and said that I only had a couple of eggs and they were sending me to a specialist immediately. That night I cried at God wondering why in the world this was happening to me! Well about 2 weeks later I went to the specialist and come to find out I had more than enough eggs but they still did not know why I couldn’t get pregnant. After many many tests they told me I had endometriosis. The dr said that without IVF I would only have a 10% chance of getting pregnant. That was emotional blow and like you I took it out on God. The dr said I could have a surgery to help with the pain of the endometriosis so we decided to do that and leave the rest in Gods hands. Long story short I had the surgery and found out that even with the IVF I still would have not been able to get pregnant. After the surgery the dr said that I still only had a 10% chance. Well about 5 weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test!! That trial has brought me so much closer to God and my husband. God had it all in his timing. We now have a beautiful little 6 month old boy that lights up our life!! From experience sometimes you feel lonely but just know God has it all under control. I hope this helps in some way and know that I will be praying for you!

  35. Praying God’s peace will rest upon you through this process, Michaela. Wishing you and Brandon every blessing.

  36. Can I first just say thank you for writing this? I can’t imagine your nerves about it when you know that many will read it, but it’s already touched one person. Me. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since January of 2016, and so many of your words are exactly how I’ve felt and feel. I so relate to you that this journey has brought us even closer together as a couple and, after doubt and frustration, even closer to God. Because like you said, only He can do this. I’ve adopted three songs that have become my infertility anthem and listen to different ones, depending on my emotional mood. Maybe they’ll help you too – Casting Crowns “Just Be Held”, and Hillary Scott & The Scott Family “Thy Will” and “Still.” Some of the lyrics just hit me hard and fit so well with infertility.

    I’ve questioned so many times why God is refusing to give me the one thing that I know HE made me to be – a mother. I know that’s my purpose in this life beyond everything else. But then I’ve thought about the things you said and realize He’s not being hurtful…He’s putting together the absolute best plan for my life. I truly believe that and I know that is what He is doing for you, too.

    I also know that I have these times of extreme gratefulness to God and I feel peace about it. Like you said you’re feeling now. But infertility is like a rollercoaster and the hard emotions can come out of nowhere, so quickly. I’m going to keep you and Brandon in my prayers for these hard times. And I pray that God will grant us motherhood.

    I didn’t mean to write so much, but I just wanted to share a bit of my heart with you and let you know that you’re so not alone. That’s another thing about infertility – it can feel very lonely. And I wanted to thank you for putting yourself out there. It let me know that I’m not alone. God Bless.

  37. Michael, I pray that your desire to become a mom becomes a reality soon. My heart ached for you when I read your post. Do cherish this couple time with Brandon. Thank you for being so brave to share your struggle and I will keep you in my prayers. Lynn

  38. Oh Brandon and Michael, my husband and I know this pain well and our hearts go out to you. We have been married for almost 6 years and still no baby. Its a hard road with the many doubts and tears but through our journey I too have been blessed to feel the amazing fellowship with God seeing his faithfulness and provision to us . I know it is hard but there is a purpose in what God is doing in our lives. We will keep you in our prays, God Bless!

  39. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Even though my struggle is not the same as yours, I still find myself doubting as you did. Thank you for Sharing so others can grow strength as you have. Keep looking upward! He is your strength.

  40. Michaela,

    I completely understand the heartache you are feeling. I too am feeling the same way over the yearning for a child. I was fortunate enough to have one child, but desperately want another. At times, I feel like a failure as a woman because I cannot have anymore. I know I should be content that I at least have one blessing, when others have none, but the heartache is still so strong. I too question God and why I can’t have another when others are having them and harming them. Thank you for helping me realize I am not alone in these feelings. It is not something anyone understands unless they are living through it.

  41. You both are in my prayers. I too, have been in the heart ache of questioning and doubting faith. Dec.21,2016, I lost a baby at an early stage of pregnancy. My little boy was so excited to be a big brother, we picked names and went a little over board truth be told. I know your story and mine are different but just know that you’re not alone. I’m happy to say I’ve turned my issue over to god and im trusting in him and his timing. Love and prayers to you!!!! Ps. You two are such a power couple for Christ. Love seeing you on the show!

  42. Praying for you and Brandon at this time. Although I don’t know how you truly feel, this made my heart break for you two. Keep looking to God for His everlasting peace and love.

  43. Infertility is vicious and my heart hurts for you to have to go through this. I will be praying for your pain and heartache as well as your doctor’s knowledge and skill. You were no doubt destined to be a mother Michaela, and I have no doubt it will happen whether it takes clomid, IUI, or IVF. May you feel God’s love and know that there are so many people rooting you and Brandon on. In the midst of such a heartbreaking struggle I know how easy it is to not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel but please know it’s there, and every day that passes, you’re one day closer to that already loved and prayed for precious baby.

  44. I pray for you to be content and joyful for whatever God has planned for you. Philippians 4:8 helps me in times of uncertainty.

  45. I know very well the pain and fear you are feeling. 5.5 years it took us to get pregnant. So many tears and wondering where God was in the beginning but the journey he took us on is one I wouldn’t change for the world. God brought my husband to have a relationship with him and He showed us tonnever lose hope but to always remember his plan and timing is always perfect….always! Through 6 rounds of IUI, surgery for a polyp, two rounds of IVF, a miscarriage, we finally have our son that was born 4 months ago. Never lose hope… I have a anchor tattoo on my ankle that is to remember “hope anchors the soul.” A song that for me through this tough time was by casting crowns… not a tear is wasted… in time you will understand…

  46. God bless you Michael for sharing this very intimate area of your life. The same thing has happen to me and I know exactly how it feels. Sometime it feels like no one understands what you are going through. Even though we believe in God sometimes it can be difficult to see past our problem. I’m glad your husband gave you the encouragement to look deeper into Gods Word. One verse in the Bible that really gave me hope was Psalms 113:9
    ““He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.”
    This is a promise and when our God make promises He keeps them.

    ‭‭

  47. Been following your family since your 1st appearance on 17 kids and counting. You have always inspired me even though I am much older than you. Your faith and love for God has always been an inspirat ion. You’re a wonderful kindhearted woman and God has Big plans for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Brandon. God bless.

  48. I too struggled with this. It was all consuming and sometimes depressing. I know that God has a plan for you just like he did for me! I now have a 2 year old and worth all the wait. I look back and find that there was a reason I needed that time to prepare for motherhood. Its challenging and beautiful. You will be amazing at it! I encourage you to take this time to make your marriage as strong as possible. When the children do come and they will however they are meant to be it will change your life and marriage. You will be grateful for the time that the 2 of you had it will prepare you both for parenthood. Much love to you both and God Bless!

  49. Thank you so much for sharing!! I have struggled a lot lately being discontented in my life also!! It’s so important to remember this life is all about him..Not us!! I have been trying to remind myself that a lot!! I’m sorry for what you’ve been going through! Praying for you guys!!

  50. “Jesus Christ is the only one that can truly satisfy. ” You have no idea how much that just encouraged me. I can’t imagine how hard it was to share, but, thank you for this beautiful and honest post. Praying for you and your family always. 💜

  51. This post was such a blessing. I am a seventeen year-old girl, and I was recently diagnosed with a disease that often causes problems with infertility. It was so heartbreaking to hear that I might have trouble having kids one day. I’m single, but I still desire children, so it has been a rough journey over the last few months accepting and falling in love with this plan of God’s in my life. But the same God who will one day take me to Heaven is the same God in control of my possible future with children. Rest in His love, my friend. And just like you said, only Jesus can satisfy. A verse that has been an encouragement to me and can prayerfully be an encouragement to you is 2 Samuel 22:33 which states, “God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.” Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I know it’s not easy, but by the grace of God, your message will touch many souls. God bless; I will be adding you to my prayer list.

  52. Trust in God’s plan for you because His plan is better than we could ever imagine. You are strong. You were beautifully made. You have a purpose. Praying for you and your family.

  53. I am praying for you and I thought it might be some encouragement to tell you this…I have some sweet friends who struggled to have a baby for a couple of years. They were so discouraged during that time but the Lord answered their prayers and now they are expecting baby #3! God still answers prayers!

  54. I have not gone through this same thing but I have definitely felt exactly like you have been feeling. I have felt like God has not been there for me. I am trying to “get back on track” but it is extremely hard. I am not ready to give up yet and I don’t want to give up.

  55. My prayers are with both of you. I left a comment on instagram. This is a struggle no one can understand unless you’ve been there. My husband and I have struggled with having a baby for 9 years. We had a miscarriage last November. The pain and heartache almost swallowed me whole. I’m working on my testimony through this journey. I would love to send it to you once I’m finished. The ways God has spoken to me through the years are sometimes hard for others to believe. I’ve learned through this that I must thank God for this journey. He chose me and my husband to go through this together and bring Him the glory when the storms are raging. We actually go this week for IUI. Prayers for you both! ((Hugs))

  56. Dear Michaella,
    I thank you for writing this, for reminding me how God works and what He has done in my life. Thank you for being so open.

    In my case, I waited for 5 years for my first baby, I did everything I could, and God let me saw the miracle. It was something I desired, and when he was born I was on top of the mountain!
    but the challenge came when my baby was diagnosed with a problem on his 1st month old appointment. We spent 11 days at the hospital, long long days, I remember the very most painful moments, crying, some times with my forehead touching the bathroom floor asking God, why? Why him? Why if he’s so little?
    I doubted too, I had so much resentment, I did not want anything to do with God.
    But,
    No other time has brought me closer to God than those days at that hospital.
    Ian, just turned 1, he is getting better and better and we give the glory to God. It was, and still is a time, to also show how God works. Our family knows that we are resting in God’s arms and have seen how we’ve grown in our faith.
    I’m so happy you are growing in your faith, getting closer to God, that is what makes you a great mom, not the experience. that’s what I’ve learned.

    Blessings

  57. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing your struggles and even more so your faith through dark waters. I, too, can relate to difficulty conceiving. I wanted to be a mother so badly and month after month I found myself distraught in the bathroom floor weeping over another false pregnancy test. Having been raised in church and saved at 13 I have always been rooted strongly in my faith, but how my faith was shaken when my prayers of conceiving weren’t being answered. My mind was constantly in Baby Mode, it was all I could think of. It was all I wanted.

    We were a year into trying and I cried out to God that if it not be his will for my husband and I to have children to let the desire pass from me and to let me focus on who and what he wanted me to be and do. I dove into his words and he never failed to send the right scripture at the right time, he offered a peace that nothing on this Earth could ever compare to.

    At the beginning of our journey I was so embarrassed.. Embarrassed that I was unable to do what every other woman around me seemed to have no problem in doing.. I stopped being afraid of being honest about something I learned to be incredibly common and began to open up about our difficulties in trying to conceive. I was very much surprised with the response I received in doing so, others thanked me for being so brave and transparent. I felt like I could get back to enjoying the journey, no matter how bumpy, because God (as always) had bigger plans for me. Instantly, I didn’t feel like I was the only one struggling anymore. I was 1 in 8 and I wasn’t alone.

    I was diagnosed with PCOS in Februrary of 2015 and I was terrified. From there I began medication to help control my insulin levels and to induce ovulation, to no avail. Before beginning fertility medication my husband had to be cleared of any reproductive abnormalities. On my 6th and final round of Clomid I was told that if we didn’t conceive on that round we would take a month off of the medicine to let my body recuperate and from there re-evaluate our “gameplan”. At that point in the “trying process” we were told we had a 5% chance of conceiving on our own. I cried the entire way home, over an hour, I was devastated.

    I gave up. It was then I truly laid it at God’s feet. I couldn’t take it anymore, it just wasn’t meant to be I thought. I had prayed and begged earnestly for a year and a half, but yet get up and continue worrying, as if saying “God, I can’t leave my burden at your feet because I don’t fully trust you”.

    At the end of January 2016, much to our surprise, my husband and I found out we were expecting! We were elated. The first thing I did when I finally received my two pink lines was hit my knees and I thanked God for answering our prayers; not in our timing, but in his. How good he is! We didn’t conceive through and by a medical intervention, but through and by a divine intervention!

    Our daughter, Tatum, has truly been our greatest blessing! Everything we could have ever wanted and better than anything we could have ever dreamt for ourselves all because of God’s grace and sovereignty.

    “In the scripture it never mentions that The Lord won’t give us more than we can handle. In, 1 Corinthians 10:13, it speaks of him giving us and escape from temptations so that it’s not too much to bear. But, when it comes to pain, trials, heartache, and burdens not once does it say it won’t be more than we can bear. (Matthew 11:28-30)

    Christ speaks to those who are carrying burdens much too heavy for their own shoulders. Matthew 11:28-30 states we are given more than we can handle so that we can come to him. It’s so we can trust him enjoy to hand over our heavy, crippling burdens and let him carry the load. ”

    I was reminded in our silence that God is not a convenient symbol of love or a reason to do good deeds. No, he’s the very air we breathe and he’s the only one who can make things bearable when life is simply anything but. I learned that while the door is closed.. to praise God in the hallway.. to praise God in the wait.

    Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us of the immediate answer to every prayer. It’s the peace of God that will guard your heart and mind in the process while you’re waiting for god to reveal his answer to your request. When you pray trust you are doing your part and God will certainly do his.

    God answered our prayers of having a child and I know he can and will do the same for you. Don’t forget.. God has been faithful to you before, he will be faithful again. (Hebrews 10:35-36)

    I cannot wait to see how God answers your prayers, I know he has something very special in store for you. Praying for you!

    Thank you again for sharing!!

  58. Michaela and Brandon-
    My heart breaks for you, I just want to hug and cry right along side you. My husband and I have (and still are) walking the road of infertility. It has been the hardest thing to endure. I understand the desire of wanting to become a mom and the endless testingi and questions. We are six and a half years into or infertility journey from and just today celebrated eleven years of marriage. We have done too many to count treatments including one iui, two Ivf and one FET. With all that we got two positive pregnancy tests that both ended in early miscarriages. But throughout it all God has been right beside us. I will be praying for you both and that you feel God’s peace and guidance.

  59. Thank you for sharing. I’ve been going through a storm also and your words are encouraging. Thank you for reminding me to continue to trust in Him. My prayers are with you and your sweet husband ❤️

  60. Your words touch my heart & bring tears to my eyes. I remember being in your shoes. I was blessed with a wonderful husband & I wanted to complete the fairytale with a baby. “Just one” I’d say to the Lord. After 7 years I have a son, a daughter and in Heaven I have a son and 2 daughters waiting for me. Your journey will holds lots of happy & sad tears, but I know the Lord hears you and I trust in Him to bless you beyond your wildest dreams. How blessed you are to have Brandon. You’re in my prayers. God Bless.

  61. You know you are not alone; although it doesn’t make the roller coaster of feelings easier. Many are praying for you. We were married 4 years and our son was finally born–then it was one, two, three. My baby is our “one-time” miracle😉 No arguments during ovulation 😂, boxers, no stress, eat healthy. But you are probably doing everything “right.” Praying for you!

  62. My husband and I have been married for 3yrs this August you are not alone I am with you Just remember Hannah and Sarah. I have cash and pray still nothing I even gave up evening a nanny . The Lord is with us

  63. Michaela I get it o boy do I get it. I feel like you and I are walking step by step cuz I too have been on this journey with my husband to start a family and we have had no luck so far. It is very heartbreaking to take that pregnancy test and pray for two pink lines but only end up seeing one. This journey has shaken my faith as well I have questioned god. My husband has held me as I have cried and been like god why are you doing this to me. But then I remembered if god can make a promise to Abraham and Sarah a child them being way past child bearing years then I know he can do it for me as well and I hold tight to that. I also hold tight to god gives us the desires of our hearts and he would not have given that desire to be a mother if he did not intend for me to be one. Praying your little miracle is on it’s way soon god bless you and Brandon.
    God bless
    Rachel Watson

  64. Michael, you write about this difficult subject with such grace! I love your honesty when you talk about trusting God’s plan – it can be very hard sometimes! I look forward to reading more from your blog in the future!
    PS- Chicago is such a wonderful city! If you haven’t seen it already, I would recommend checking out the Chicago Botanic Garden one day. It’s beautiful, especially in the summertime.

  65. Dear Michaela,
    This post has brought me to tears. What a beautiful testimony God can bring out of one of the most painful situations. I too have struggled with fertility and have learned the deep heartache it can bring along with the struggle to retain a faith in God. How very grateful I am that you are learning to rest in Him. It is so difficult not to doubt His plan when He withholds something that over and over again He calls good in His Word. I am just a fan of your family’s show, but ever since I heard that you were struggling to conceive I’ve been praying for you! Please know that I will continue to pray for God to shower you with peace. And if He wills it, that He will give you a miracle baby in His time!
    With love,
    ~Madi

  66. I really needed to hear that tonight thank you for sharing your heart! Blessings on your journey.

  67. My husband and I decided to wait five years before we started a family. Little did we know it would take another four before we conceived.

    Those four years were painful, torture, agonizing. They were also full of jealousy. Hearing of friends pregnant was never easy but I always managed to smile and congratulate them, while wanting to run away and cry on the inside. My emotions were all over the place (my poor husband). One minute I was happy the next someone was announcing a pregnancy and for the next week or more I would be depressed and moody. I felt ugly on the inside. My low points were sad but at the same time there moments I would swear I felt God wrap his loving arms around me and just love away some of the pain. It was in my darkest moments that I felt the closest to God. I cried out so many times. Sometimes in desperation, sometimes in anger. Thank goodness he is forgiving.

    About nine year into marriage my OBGYN told me “sometimes we can do everything humanly possible to get pregnant and it’s still not enough.” Her honesty came from a place of love and it was what I needed to hear. Friends and family always meant well but I was so tired of hearing “maybe you are trying to hard”, “stop stressing about it”, “it’s all in God’s timing.”, etc. I just needed someone to be real with me. That day I decided no more tests, no more procedures, no more fertility drugs. I was tired. There was a time that I drove out of state twice a week for several weeks for acupuncture ( it supposedly helped with fertility). I was desperate for anything that would work.

    A little less than a year after I decided I needed a break, we were completely shocked to find out we were expecting. She is now almost six years old.

    Keep your faith, even if it’s as small as a mustard seed. He hears you, he loves you, he knows your hearts desire even if we don’t understand is timing or plan. Run and cry to him even if you are angry. I know for a fact that in my four years of waiting, he drew me closer to him than I had ever been in my life. .

    I pray for peace in your hearts as you wait.

    (My go to song used to be “Faithful” by Brooke Fraser. It used to speak to my heart on those road trips to the doctor. Maybe you will enjoy it to. )

  68. Michael, I don’t know a whole lot about God. Faith has always been a struggle for me. But one thing I do know is that His timing is perfect, even when we don’t realize it. There is a reason He is having you wait for motherhood and, as painful as it is now, when the timing is right and you are blessed with a child you will come to know His love more than ever and you will know that He was right to wait.

    I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it is to have so many people always questioning you. Some of them blatantly asking why you aren’t pregnant. That must be an unbearable pain to have to read. But please know that SO many of us are praying for you; not only for a pregnancy and a healthy baby someday, but also that you can rest in God’s love and know that His timing is perfect! <3

  69. Hi Michael!
    My name is Lindsay Arthur:) I’m messaging from way up in Thunder Bay Ontario Canada! 🇨🇦
    I just want to thank you for sharing your story. I know it takes a lot of courage to share something like that! While I’ve never had infertility issues I’ve recently had to learn to really trust God. You’re story has inspired me to really meditate on His nature and for that I’m thankful. I will pray for you and Brandon and expect that all will line up that way it should.
    Congratulations on your beautiful marriage. I loved watching Bringing Up Bates and I loved Brandon’s proposal. Whenever I see Cherry Blossoms I think of it. Hope you’re enjoying your summer!
    Sending prayers your way!
    Lindsay Arthur

  70. Michael,

    I know all too well the desire of being a momma. God answered our prayer and blessed us with one, after 5 years of marriage, but now 17 years of marriage in it seems that our son will be our only. I believe God knows our hearts and I believe His heart breaks when ours do, just as any good Father’s does. I also know He holds tomorrow and His plans are greater than we can ever fully understand.

    You will have days of doubt and you will have days where He completely carries you when you don’t know how to stand. At the end of the day Jesus is enough and He is all. Praying for you and your darling husband, and know you aren’t alone.

  71. Thank you very much for sharing this touching story. It has truly blessed my heart and soul and has helped me. I really appreciate your willingness to share this testimony as I am sure it was not easy. Please know that by doing so there are more people like me who will read this and be encouraged.

  72. Thank you for sharing you heart with us. Beautiful words. You have been an encouragement to me. I’ve been struggling with doubt myself and yours words (& Brandon’s) to be honest with God and ask him to learn to trust again hit home. I will begin praying that for myself. I’ve been praying but a light bulb went off when I read that. Thank you!! Blessings sweet girl. Praying for you.

  73. Michael,
    You write so beautifully! Trusting in God’s timing is SO hard, but always seems to make the final reward even greater. Praying for continued peace and patience for you and Brandon. Love y’all so much! Miss you!

  74. You and Brandon are such a wonderful couple and I love seeing you on Bringing up Bates you have such a loving family but most of all you have God

  75. We stayed with my cousin last in Kingston. As I drove through Knoxville, I was thinking of you and wondering about infertility. I know it is hard. We went through it 4 years, got pregnant, had a daughter born 8 weeks early with a rare problem, and lost her 39 days later. A year later had a son and then a daughter two years later. I don’t know the Lord’s plan, but know he is bringing you closer to him.
    Romans 5:1-5! We love seeing you and your family on the show.

  76. Thank you for this honest and open post. So many women walk this same path and experience doubt, frustration and fear. Reading how that challenge has deepened your faith is a beautiful testimony.

  77. That’s was perfectly said. I had a miscarriage 2 days after finding out we were expecting our first. I lost faith and kept wandering why everyone else was able to keep their babies and I wasn’t. After many nights of crying and praying I learned to trust him more then ever. I was a missionaries kid so trusting in Him and keeping the faith was something I was taught from day one. This though was a tough trial to get through but with Gods grace I got through it and now we are expecting again! Thank you for you encouragement and letting others see weren’t the only ones out there who feels this way.

  78. God always has a plan for us….I believe He has something so wonderful for you and Brandon. May He continue to bless you with much happiness & joy.

  79. Sending prayers and comfort to you and bradon . Lean on the savior. He is the only one that can hold you upright and truly knows what you are going through.

  80. Michaela I feel your pain my husband and I lost a pregnancy August 2015 We are struggling with fertility issues since then. God has a plan and it is hard to hear. I struggle daily with doubt. My God saved my life 8-18-15. I should have lost my life when I lost my baby. I pray for you and Brandon. I know you have lots of people reach out to you and it a great thing that you are bringing infertility to the front of everyone’s minds. Don’t feel ashamed there is nothing wrong with you. God made you special.

  81. Praying for you sweet sister! Wish I can hug you!! I am praying our God will continue to comfort you and show you the peace that passes all understanding!! We have struggled with infertility the last few years, after a tubal reversal. We have three blessings and felt the Lord leading us to give him full control over that area in our life in 2014. After we self funded the surgery and all medical costs…we lost a precious little blessing four months later. My heart sank to a deep level I never felt before when we found out there are infertility issues now. Our Lord does have a amazing plan for each of our lives and we must never lose sight of the wonderful blessings he has put right in front of us. I still do cry…a lot. We have followed your family since the beginning and you {unanwarely} have become friends to my kids when they haven’t had any and such a precious family God has used in our lives in many ways. Sending you a very sweet hug across the miles….and praying for you daily sweet sister!
    You don’t have to walk this alone,
    Dawn

  82. You are so right. Strengthening the bond between you and your husband is a lasting gift. You are richly blessed.

  83. I can’t imagine wanting something for so long only to find out it may not happen. I was told at 19 that I wasn’t able to have children. I guess having found out at such a young age I was better able to cope with my infertility. I pray you continue to find peace and have faith in a different path. A path God has chosen for you and Brandon. We may never understand the why but may we find comfort in the journey. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You and your family are truly inspiring.

  84. Michaela our story is so very similar. All my life the only thing I ever wanted was to be a mother. I married my husband & wanted kids right away! Months turned into a year & years with nothing but brokeness. My husband & I serve in full time ministry & I just couldn’t understand why the LORD hadn’t moved for us! I knew HE could give us a baby with just a spoken word. But there was still nothing. In 2014 I hit rock bottom with my infertility struggle, and during that time the LORD stared to revile HIS plan for us. HE lead us to the foster to adopt program in our state. It has changed our lives in such a wonderful way! We have three babies in our home! We are in the process of adopting our three year old son!!! This isn’t the plan I had for my life but the
    LORDS plan is perfect!
    (
    Psalms 113:9

    He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
    and to be a joyful mother of children.
    Praise ye the Lord.

    Jeremiah 29:11
    For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

    I’m praying for you!

  85. This was comforting and heartbreaking at the same time. I hope and pray that your dreams come true. I have given up hope for myself and my husband. I just ask that God takes this desire from my heart. I don’t want bitterness as a friend and companion. I feel terrible that while I am happy for other couples I am so envious of there announcements and devastated for my family. I feel rather evil and pray God just takes this away or at the very least my desire. Thank you for sharing your story it does give comfort and love seeing your family and love of God.

  86. This touched me personally. I have been through the same struggles, my husband and I tried for 3 years to get pregnant with our daughter and it was the hardest thing to watch others get pregnant so effortlessly. Thankfully through Gods good grace we did, with the help of fertility specialists, finally have our daughter! Then 2 years laster we’re very surprised to find out I was pregnant yet again, a son. And now pregnant with our third. You will get through this. God tested us on so many levels and we are so thankful that we never lost our trust in Him! God Bless you both!

  87. Michaela I have been following Roadmaptobaby on instagram
    this couple was struggling too, they were chosen to adopt Eliza who is the cutest thing and then found themselves expecting their own this August…Our God has a plan❣️ He has a fabulous life for the two of you… baby steps.

  88. Bless you for sharing your heart! So often we don’t understand and life gets hard. God brought the two of you together and you are a beautiful couple! Everyone always says God has a plan greater than our own but oh my soul the hard sometimes….. Keep leaning on Him and each other as you are where you are meant to be with God in the center for His Glory and His timing. Praying for you both sweet souls!!
    In His Love

  89. Thank you for your example for Christ. He will truly carry you through! My husband and I walked a very similar walk as you guys. The heartache is very real and so personal for each couple experiencing infertility. I will be praying for you during this journey. Keep giving it to the Lord and hold tight. He will bless, along the way, in ways you never imagined!

  90. I went through 13 yrs of doctors, surgeries, test, fertility drugs, more test, more doctors,all for them to say “We don’t know why you are not getting pregnant.” I was mad, sad, frustrated, and heart broken. I never wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, teacher or anything but a Mom. We would quit and say “NO MORE” But my heart still broke every time I saw a child mistreated, or someone upset because they were pregnant. ( I worked on an OB/GYN clinic) Shortly before my 36th birthday we were told that my progesterone levels were dropping and that I would never get pregnant without IVF and then it was highly doubtful. After talking about it and praying about it, we were really done. I was so sad and heartbroken, but I accepted it. Fourteen months later, I thought that I was going through early menopause. (One of the effects of too many fertility drugs) It did not occur to me that I could be pregnant. AT.ALL. I was 38 and my husband was 45 when we welcomed the most beautiful blue eyed blonde baby girl 35 weeks and 4 days later. She is 11 yrs old and worth every bit of the pain. God gets all of the glory. Praying for you both.

  91. This was such a sweet and honest post. I have been in that place and felt those same feelings. My husband and I went through 4 miscarriages before having our daughter. It was the hardest time of my life but it was also such a bonding time for the both of us. It made our relationship so much stronger. I also drew closer to God than ever before when I finally realized no matter if I ever became a mother or not, I would praise God through everything. Thank you for being so open with sharing your story because it is something so many women face but often don’t talk about. I will keep you both in my prayers ❤

  92. I feel for you and your situation. I tried for 22 years to have a baby. I lost two little precious boys–one at 1 day and 1 at 4 days. I miscarried 3 times. Finally at 39, I conceived. Many of my problems were from my mother taking the drug DES in the 50’s to prevent miscarriage. I had all the same problems with ,my little daughter that I had had with my boys–early labor etc. I had to come to the knowledge that my worth did not come in being a parent but that my worth came from within. If I was not satisfied with my life now, I would find no satisfaction in “what if”. Live the life only you can live–love your husband and after you do all you feel you should accept his will–only that will bring you true happiness and contentment. Much love from one who has been where you are.

  93. Dear Michael And Brandon- my heart breaks for you- God is using you both as a testament to others never to lose sight on our loving God- to seek Him for He loves us so much! We have 5 babies in heaven and the 10 months with 3 consecutive miscarriages ripped at my heart ❤️! I can honestly say I never stopped trusting in the Great I Am- His plan we can’t always see but always better than we can ever imagine! You are both such beautiful children of the Lord- He has great plans for you and you are already fulfilling them so incredibly by using your stadium to serve Him always! God bless you both!

  94. I pray that you find peace and guidance in God…he can bring you through anything…I pray God gives you a child you would be a kind and loving mother… trust in God and everything will come in good time… My God wrap his loving arms around you and give you peace….. God Bless you both

  95. I am praying for you Michael! And I am also praying for the Godly man of a husband you have. As I was reading this blog this song came to my heart that I think you should hear. The artist is Bethel Music and the song is called Take Courage. You can YouTube it or hear it on iTunes. But the chorus says “take courage my heart, stay steadfast my soul, He’s in the Waiting, hold on to your hope as your triumph unfolds, he’s never failing.” As I am listening to it now I feel this song is for you. Know that God is in the waiting. Be encouraged and know I am praying for you!

  96. Oraremos por ustedes, y gracias por compartir esto que no es fácil pero sepan que tienen fans en México.

  97. I haven’t had the ability to afford a doctor to find out. But after 2 years of trying I know something must be wrong. God has a plan for you girl. May the Angels lay hands on you and grant you peace and I know you will have patience for God’s plan.

  98. It was very touching to read you heartfelt post. There is nothing more painful than longing for child and things aren’t working out how you had always thought the would . Don’t give up on the dream of raising children with your wonderful husband. God may have different timing , or a different way , but where you have a deep desire and faith it will be,someway. There are lots of fertility treatments and avenues to explore. There are so many children in this world that long for a loving home, and many more options. It may not be the door you were going to choose but have faith trust in your partner and in God, lean on your family and friends. When you least expect it a door will open and it will feel right to you both. For as much as you hurt and long for this miracle , remember Brandon does feel all kinds of emotions as well, and he wants this just as you do. You are beautiful and so nice, I must believe your time will come. Praying for your door!

  99. Michaela your testimony is so empowering. God will bless you beyond measure. You’re patience served you well as you waited patiently for Brandon, because that is what was placed on your heart. This is a sign to you that if motherhood has been placed on your heart, it will come to pass. The answer will be revealed to you soon. Be encouraged, to be honest my faith has grown weary that I will find a husband. As I wait for my husband at 27 and watch my friends and family marry it has been hard. But your story has helped me so much. And the purpose for your wait is that your living testimony can minister to someone else. Continue to find the purpose in your wait. Keep your faith, joy comes in the morning.

    -Alyson

  100. Bless your heart. Please don’t be sad. You and Brandon are a beautiful couple. God will answer your prayers. Love you and your family!!!💞💞💞💞💞

  101. I wanted to cry reading this ❤️ My husband and I were married of Aug. 2015 and still no baby. My heart breaks about this sometimes worse than others. Growing up in a family of 14 and always around kids I long to have a baby to call my own. I, personally, have been scared to see any specialist scared of what they might tell me, and I’m trying to trust that whatever God has in store for us is best for us! I know I’m not good at writing but had to say something bc your story sounds so much like ours ❤️

  102. God has a plan! Focus on what JESUS has for you; and the bible says He will give you the disires of your heart!

  103. Michaela I know in his time he will give you and Brandon most precious gifts to guide and love and raise!! And when he does you will be an outstanding momma I just know it, and Brandon a wonderful father!!!! Prayers for you both as you go through this time.. Stay close to each other and to God and he will give you the desires of your hearts!!

  104. I am so sorry! Infertility is a very hard walk in life for a woman that longs to be a mother. Both my spouse and I have infertility issues. We have tried for a baby for nearly ten years. Only other women going through this understands how it feels to see yet another negative pregnancy test. (PCOS) I have probably taken a hundred since we have been married. The grief is so awful and it’s hard to keep the faith! We don’t know why God hasn’t blessed us yet! And my childhood was one that was absolutely horrific that I never felt that “unconditional love” except from my fellow siblings whom were also neglected and abused. Then an Aunt taught me about Jesus! Only through HIM have I manage to even survive. I am blessed my husband was raised by parents that love Jesus and love by example! And that loves me despite our union being just us and three fur babies (and 16 nieces and nephews to spoil)!
    Your story of faith inspires me and others! And I wish I had the obidence you do! To see the good in our circumstance…
    Keep sharing your testimony, many others understand where you are yet struggle to see the light/blessings we have already! God bless you!

  105. Michael, I am so sorry to hear of all the heartache you and Brandon are going through. The diagnosis of infertilty really shook my faith when I received it. I am so grateful you have a wonderful husband to share this journey with. It makes a lot of difference. You have been on my mind so much since you moved. I just didn’t have an email address for you. I will continue to pray for you both.

    Lisa Eastman (My family attended church with you guys at Bible Baptist.)

  106. Going through infertility is one of the hardest times of my life. It’s hard to understand why it’s happening to you and why God is not blessing you with a baby. I always had a plan to have a baby before I was 30. When the moth I knew would lead to my 30th Birthday came and went my husband asked why this month was so much harder for me. I told him this was the last chance to have a baby before I was 30. Little did I know God had other plans. I ended up getting pregnant and having our daughter two weeks after my 30th birthday. It was a hard lesson to learn that things do not happen in my plans but in Gods. I will be praying for y’all as you travel this very difficult path. Don’t loose faith God has a plan and a timeline for you, it just might not be your plan or timeline.

  107. I like the verse about God restoring all the years the locusts have eaten. My sister went through this. She thought she couldn’t get pregnant. She went and had artificial insemination. She wound up with sextuplets and a divorce. Then she got remarried. Her lesson was wait on God. She loves her children but I’m sure she could of had a better life following Gods plan and not her own. Trust the lord my friend. He is walking with you and hears your cries. He has a better plan than you can imagine! Love to you! Jill

  108. How kind and lovely for you to share such a personal and intimate story. This is just a thought and in no way trying to push my personal view of your path but it made me think maybe the child God has planned for you could already be on earth? There are so many beautiful children here already that deserve a mom and dad like you two! It is obvious that you were made to be a mommy! Prayers for you guys! God will always lead the way.

  109. Thank you so much for sharing your story you have no idea how much you have inspired me with your story and your faith in God
    I myself have been through medical hell the last8 years it’s been hard to keep my trust and Faith In God wondering why he would want me to live this life that I don’t call a life
    I try so hard to hold on to him and believe for a miracle but some days I just think maybe this is what’s meant to be
    it doesn’t mean that nothing good will come from it
    praying for you and Brandon always sending our love and support. thank you again for sharing your story you have touched me more ways then I can say💖💖

  110. Dear Michael,
    Thank you for your honesty in doubting the Lord. I have been in this same spot for the last three years. Brandon’s advice to you was wonderful. I am going to start doing what he ask you to do. I know my problem is so different from your but the door is almost closed right, thank goodness Jesus’ light is still shining where I can still see it. So my heart has not been hardened to where I can’t find the Grace God has given me.

    I pray they can find a way for you to have your children. God bless you and thank you for sharing you walk back to God.

    Teri

  111. Hello, my name is Kelsie Bunt. I just wanted to let you know… You are not alone sweet lady! My husband and I are just starting out in marriage and we are longing for children. We were married Sept of 2016 and I’ve had so many friends/ family members around me become pregnant. Some of them even sadly unmarried. You know I’m those times I wanted to ask God why them and not me. However, I have to step back and realize that God’s ways are always better. He has a reason for everything, a season for everything. Maybe it’s just not the season of motherhood for us yet. I know there is a higher plan for why conceiving has not happened for us.
    I’ve seen doctors as well and I’ve been diagnosed with PCOS. I understand your pain and struggle. I’m so encouraged by your words and I pray that one day you will become the mother you’ve dreamed of.
    John 14:14 KJV “If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.”
    I think that God will give you the opportunity to become a mother, whether by your own, fostering, adopting, or becoming a mother figure to someone. I pray that you seek comfort from Him daily and that one day you can hold your own baby in your arms. Keep the faith 💕

  112. I too have walked this same journey and my heart hurts for you. I know just how incredibly painful this is to go through. I will say to have faith. We got pregnant with our 1st son about 15 months of marriage. We had been trying from the time we got married until we got pregnant. We didn’t prevent pregnancy after our son was born. Fast forward 6 yrs and multiple infertility treatments we still failed to conceive a second time. We tried everything but IVF. I finally came to conclusion our family must be complete with 1 child. Then out of nowhere I was pregnant with our daughter. There are 7 yrs between my 2 kids. We didn’t know how or why it happened then, it just did. Then we had a 3rd miracle without even trying. My youngest 2 are 23 months apart. I don’t know why God chose this timing for us but it has made us stronger for it. This was my path and I hope yours leads you to the family you desire. It was the hardest experience of my life. But know your not alone. So many women have walked this path your own. Speaking up can be very therapeutic. I hope pray it all works out for you and your husband.

  113. Beautiful witness. Thank you for sharing. I feel your pain we lost a stillborn daughter at 28 weeks. We have a 24 yr old special needs son Joshua please keep us in your prayers we must trust God for perseverance in taking care of him . I will keep both of you in my prayers. God Bless You

  114. You are so brave to share this. It will be such an encouragement to others. Thank you for your honesty. You’ll be in my prayers.

  115. Michael, I will pray my rosary every day for you and ask our Blessed Mother to intercede and petition her Son to bless you and Brandon with a family. May God bless you both on this difficult journey. By sharing your trials, you have gained many prayer warriors on your behalf. There is power in prayer and the good Lord will provide for those who seek Him. Blessings…..Jen Wozniak, New Lenox, IL

  116. Praying for you. I know this is a hard journey to face and you have done so graciously. Praying God will fulfill the desires of your heart! <3

  117. I sit here and think, wondering, what I could possibly say. You are so brave and so very strong! Your passion and courage is uplifting and so very encouraging. I have to admit, I’m rather new at my relationship with God, and you and your family have really helped me to understand his role in my life.
    Please don’t get discouraged, I know one day you will be blessed with an addition to your family! I can’t speak for others, but you hear the story all the time that years later a husband and wife get there bundles of joy. God has all the wisdom, and deep down I think he knows you were to build the foundation of a perfect marriage which leads to a perfect little family.
    Keep that smile on your face! It’s too pretty to waste!
    Much love, Mallory

  118. Thank you for sharing with us. I know all too well the same heartache after 7+ years of marriage and now, I am 38 and fear that I will not have the chance to be a mother. It’s so hard to put on a smile or even show up at baby showers or see a baby announcement. Its hard to describe that you’re sincerely happy for these women but also crying so hard inside. What really upsets me is when women say, “We’re so blessed.” and I question God every single time saying, “How come I am not “blessed”?” Anyway Michaela, you’re never alone in this. You have a whole community of women and men who are part of this club we never wanted to be a part of. Many thoughts and warm wishes for you and your husband. -Jen from Michigan.

  119. Praying for y’all and for God’s perfect will in your lives. I enjoying watching you and your family on TV. It’s great to have some good Godly heroes for kids to look up to instead of all the filth that comes on most TV programs.

  120. Hello Brandon and Michaela,
    Thank you for sharing your testimony with us. I know it’s hard to share your fears and your concerns, especially publicly but you are touching many other people thought it. Just by sharing your thoughts, emotions, and doubts you are helping others to seek God. For me, I see people around me getting married, forming a family while I’m still single and haven’t “gotten together” but I have put in my trust in the Lord. That I know that God will give me what I need at the right time. For it is His will not mine. I feel that’s most of our weakest link is that we want it now but His plans are bigger and better. I always go back and think of Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord, ‘ I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plan to give you a future filled with hope.”

    So I just pray that the Lord may continue to bless your home. To take this time to seek Him more, to build a stronger relationship with Him and with your husband. God bless you.

  121. Michael,
    I just wanted to thank you for sharing with us on such a public platform. I know that it takes courage and grace to be so vulnerable. Please know that it has encouraged me in my walk with the Lord. I’ve been struggling in my own life with perhaps a different set of circumstances but with similar responses. I felt alone, discouraged, and unable to fully trust in God. The past few weeks the Lord has allowed my mind and my heart to open up and to receive a better understanding. He has blessed me, encouraged me, and CHANGED my perspective so that I might see His love and grace more clearly. He has worked out several situations and blessed me with patience for the others. I still have prayers up before the Lord but my soul has been refreshed. Reading your story and following your journey has encouraged me and I want to say thank you. You and your family will be in my prayers and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you!!!
    -Paytra

  122. I’m thankful that you shared your heart! Unfortunately, I know all too well where you’re coming from. My husband and I have been struggling with this for almost 2 years. I’m grateful that, even in what seems to be our darkest moments, God is working all things for our good! Thank you for this reminder! Praying for y’all!

  123. Michaela,love your name love watching you and your family ,they are so preacious.I always thought you would make a great mom,hang in there our God is so good he can do all things in his time,I’m sure he will answer your prayers. My niece went through the same thing she has been in so much pain,been married, miscarriage seven years a go now she is15 weeks pregnant out of the blue she had given up see what God can do in his time,keep the faith trust God ,you will make a wonderful Mother some day.God Bless you and Brandon

  124. Dear Michaela,

    My heart goes out to you and Brandon, and my prayers too. I know all too much the pain and sadness, year after year, seeing friends and family having children. (I’ll try to make this short)…..

    I cried out to God many times. Pleading, but yet, drawing closer to God. Yes, I was angry at times but always knew God was doing a work with me. (I was a new Christian.)

    I sought help from doctors. Had two laporoscopies, and one artificial insumination. Nothing. Six years pasted and my father-in-law saw an article about IVF. (This was in the late nineties.) At this point I was content to try adoption.

    Decided to go to a seminar about IVF and after, decided to persue the procedure. Now, I know a lot of people, Christian people see that as not God’s will but I think it sometimes is. There are many who seek IVF and not all have children. That’s how I know it’s God. If God wasn’t involved, everyone doing IVF would have children. Pray about that.

    I tried one round of treatment and now I’m a blessed mom of quadruplets. Two boys, two girls. Now,, that’s totally God!!

    They just turned 18. I wish I could send you a picture.

    Pray about it. I will be praying for you.

  125. You are a brave young lady to share this most intimate part of your journey with everyone. I also completely believe God has a purpose and destiny for each of us. Sending prayers to you both as you move forward in this journey.

  126. Prayers for peace and comfort that only Gods grace can explain. I know many who are walking this same path of longing and heartache and have seen many become mothers and fathers to beautiful, healthy children. God’s plan is perfect down to the very smallest detail. You are still so young and there’s so much time still. Truly. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  127. Thank you so much for sharing! My journey is so similar to yours and my heart is breaking for children but I have learned to turn my despair to hope that God hears my pleas and his plans are so much bigger than mine. Praying for peace for both of you and God’s faithfulness to someday grant the desires of your heart!

  128. Keep fighting sweet girl! The tears are so so painful! Infertility is not for the faint of heart. We had a 5 your struggle with infertility. I would love to tell you that it gets easier but it doesn’t. It stinks and your cry tears you didn’t even know you had. But it makes your marriage stronger and your love for your little bigger. You will hold your sweet baby (or in our case twin babies) that much tighter! Infertility mommies and daddies are a small fierce group who know what it’s like to fight for your little in a way most will never know. I would love to share our journey if you ever need s little more encouragement! Keep fighting. Even when you don’t know if you can fight anymore! The end of your journey will be so sweet. You both have been added to the prayer list in our house!

  129. Dear Michael
    You are a beautiful Woman of God. Thank you for sharing your heart. You have a loving and wise husband. God knows your heart. Be patient. He knows the right timing.
    I love you guys and your show.
    Many Blessings.

  130. I could feel your pain while reading your words… I’m not married or in a relationship yet but I’ve always thought about it and infertility is one of my biggest fears but I have also think about other ways (if some day the unthinkable for me should happen) to become a mom. It takes a lot of time to have a plan in mind and lots of hesitation and second thoughts but would you consider adoption as an option for you both to become parents? Think about it and pray about it and if with the help of god this path is for you then go ahead and if not .. I’m sure you’ll be fine and content as in the few episodes I could see of your life and the things you write, you both are such strong unit and individuals as well and carry yourselves with such grace through life that I admire. It’s ok to feel sadness as long as you can feel the light in your life as well. I hope for you guys to find everything you need in life and to enjoy all the good work god has in hand for you. Lots of love from Seville, Andalucia, Spain!

  131. I’m not sure if you’re looking at the IVF route, but we have a beautiful 9 1/2 year old daughter from undergoing this. I think medical science is amazing and hope whichever path you choose goes well for you.

  132. Liebe Michaela.
    Psalm 73 ist auch der Psalm,den mir der Herr vor einiger Zeit wieder ganz groß gemacht hat.
    Als ich Vers 23 las:…”Denn ich bin stets bei dir…..”habe ich gedacht,DAS könnte ich doch nie und niemals sagen. Ich bin stets beim Herrn. Leider nein!
    Aber der Herr machte mir im weiteren Verlauf des Verses klar,dass ich nur deswegen stets in seiner Nähe bin,weil ER mich erfasst hat. Wie ein Vater sein Kind an der Hand nimmt.
    Ich mag fallen, straucheln, absolut untreu sein: Mein Herr Jesus ist in allen Umständen der Eine,der Treue,der Ewige!
    Ich bete weiter für dich und euch. Denn Gebete kennen keine Grenzen. Wir wohnen in Nord Deutschland!
    Ich kenne euch nicht persönlich,aber habe mit euch zu eurer Hochzeit hin mitgefiebert. Und die gleichen Gedanken kenne ich auch. Jahr für Jahr sah ich auf Konferenzen Paare,die verliebt oder verlobt waren. Im nächsten Jahr waren sie verheiratet und schwanger oder hatten grade ihr Kleines vom Herrn empfangen. Auch ich habe am Herrn gezweifelt,auch ich habe viel geweint. Schwangerschaften endeten immer mit einer Fehlgeburt! Der Herr möchte Dir und mir groß werden. Nachdem ich dem Herrn mein Leben wieder neu gegeben habe, ging eine (!) Schwangerschaft plötzlich weiter und wir hielten nach Jahren unser persönliches Geschenk,unsere Gabe Gottes, unsern Nathanael in den Händen. Er ist jetzt sechs. Aber seitdem werde ich auch garnicht erst wieder Schwanger. Er soll wohl unser einziges Kind bleiben.
    Ich bete für Dich. Ich bete für euch! Ich bete für eure Ehe! Und sende euch eine warme Umarmung,herzliche Grüße und viel Liebe.

    Eure Maike

  133. Oh, my dear. The peace you are finding with our dear Lord in the midst of this emotional journey is palpable. I, too, understand this pain, when at the tender age of 19 I was told becoming a mother would never be fulfilled. I was crushed. I fell into a deep depression and then slowly, with the help of the Lord, began to come out of it. I have a condition known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and my uterus is shaped on a way that is not conducive to carrying a child. Fast forward about 7 years when I miscarried my first child. There was joy in the pain that I was able to conceive at all. Three years after that, our son, Jacob, was born. He is our only blessing we’ve been allowed to have and I thank God for him daily. Our son will be 11 this year and with every birthday he has, I think back to that devastated 19 year old who, ten years later, was graced with the greatest gift of all. I will continue to pray for you and hope that you continue to have peace and that the Lord blesses you with your own sweet little one in time. Love and prayers.

  134. Hi Michael,

    I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I came across this video a couple months ago and after reading your blog, I think it’s appropriate to share with you. If you can’t access the link look up Nerida Walker and supernatural (Scriptural) conception.
    I firmly believe that if you have those desires in your heart to become a mother, that God put those desires there. He is a good Father and doesn’t want you hurting. He put those desires in your heart to raise a family. Yes, there may be hiccups and it may not happen as quickly as we wanted but it will! Speak out and believe those promises, as there is power in our words.

    I know I can’t pray with you in person but this is my prayer for you.

    Dear Jesus,
    We thank you for babies and children, as they are a gift from you. We believe that it is your desire for the Keilens to grow their family, and we speak health over their bodies. Whatever is making it hard for them to welcome a sweet baby, we speak healing and restoration to whatever is not acting right. They walk in perfect health. God, in your word it says “Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.” – Exodus 23:25-26.
    We believe that Michael will be able to conceive quickly and supernaturally, as well as have an easy pregnancy, labor and delivery. Give her peace and joy in this time of waiting. We love and praise you Jesus for the finished work!

  135. Oh my heart. The strength you showed by simply sharing this story is one of great encouragement. I can’t even begin to imagine. One of my biggest fears – the biggest – is not being able to be a mother but I know in my heart that you will be a mother, Michaela. Someway or another, you will.

  136. You are so encouraging! I will ever be praying for you and Brandon throughout this time. Reading howvyou and Brandon pray together makes me so happy. My prayer is that my husband and I can get to that! I grew up knowing the Lord but went astray through high school where I met my husband. His family only went to church on Christmas and for the occasional kids plays. When we started dating at 15 yrs old he was all I thought about and only wanted “us”. I wasn’t reading my Bible or praying much. It wasn’t until I was 22 that I decided to give my life back to God. My husband took awhile to get on board but eventually got Saved. He continues to struggle (as do I) but we are trying to be the best we can. We now have two young children (2 1/2 and 8 weeks) and I want to raise them to know the Lord. My daughter (2) is really getting into the word and loves it! 😁 So back to what I was originally saying.. I want so badly to be able to pray with my husband the way you and Brandon do. I think you are incredible God loving people who I admire so much! I will be praying for you! Btw.. sorry for the terrible grammar lol

  137. I am not a deeply religious person but I believe he does this to us for a reason we are unable to see at this time! Good luck to you both. There will be a time that you can yell to the world your joy that God has created for you only he knows when.

  138. So beautifully said. I’m praying for you and Brandon. His marriage proposal was the sweetest I’ve ever seen!

  139. Michael, this letter about God is so inspiring to all !!
    Without our Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus Christ & Holy Spirit in my life I have found life very hard to handle…” I can do all things thru Him Who strengthens me” Phil. 4:13
    I have learned to ” grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ” daily!
    Thank you for sharing your’s and Brandon’s story!
    My husband & I were married 51 yrs. In the first 8 yrs I had I had 2 ectopic pregnancies, broken hearted… then we later adopted 3 children and my 2 little brothers came to live with us.
    Our gracious God ALWAYS takes care of us even when we don’t realize it. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

  140. Thank you for a beautifully honest testimony. Infertility is incredibly hard (I have several health conditions that caused me to walk the road for 3.5 years before getting my son), but your perspective is spot on — focus on the good things God provides, talk to God about the hurt, and know that with Him you are never alone. Lean on your husband and be honest with your friends; I found the greatest pain was often caused by offhand comments from those who simply don’t know the mile you’re walking at the moment. But, in a few instances I am sure that was God opening the door to make me vulnerable enough to share the pain … and two of my best friendships were forged at this time. To this day, I still remind myself, “God’s design in God’s time.”

  141. God bless you sweetheart. I’m sure you will have your little one soon. My heart goes out to you both.

  142. Thank you for sharing! Such bravery! You’ll help more women than you’ll know! And I pray that the Lord will open your womb and a great generation will be born from you! I know God is so pleased with you and proud of how far you have came in this journey. But I believe there is just a great blessing at the end of this 7 mile journey! I think Luke 24 is for you. You’re blessed and highly favored by our Lord. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Lord has birth a strong Ministry out of your brokenness to help strengthen others!

  143. Oh Michaela, my heart and my prayers go out to you and Brandon. I truly understand this journey you are walking. I too, could not wait to be a mommy and dreamed about it from childhood. In 2001, I married my Godsend and felt so blessed that God had given me such an amazing guy to share my life with. We could not wait to have children of our own, but after a year of marriage, I knew something was wrong when all pregnancy tests were negative. My heart was broken, I cried and prayed earnestly for God to give us a child. After many tests that showed it wasn’t possible for us to have children, I will never forget the long drive home and the tears that I cried. I could not believe that God would deny me children. I was so upset and I remember telling God that I could not deal with it any longer and I was placing it all n His hands. I literally just let go of it all. The heartache I felt was so great that I could barely see the road to drive. We started looking into adopting and thought maybe that was God’s plan for us. After 4 wonderful years of marriage, I got sick and my husband said maybe you should take a pregnancy test. I couldn’t believe he wanted to go through the heartache of seeing a negative again, but I took it and to my surprise…it was positive. I couldn’t believe it so I made my husband go and buy one of those expensive tests, and again it was positive. I had my daughter, Sarah, in 2005 and in 2006 I got pregnant again with my son, Zackary. God had answered my prayers in a way that I would have never imagined. The world said we couldn’t have children, but God said, Yes…and nothing is impossible with Him. Don’t lose heart, my friend…God is near and He will never let you down. His plan is the best plan…no matter what it may seem to us. I will keep you guys in my prayers. Much love to you! ❤️😘

  144. My heart and soul ache for you. I know I’m a total stranger but you have always been my favorite Bates.
    May God continue to strengthen you in your journey.

  145. Praying for you both from here in England. I’m sure the pair of you will receive your gift when you are meant to. Keeping you in my thoughts. Stay strong in faith together. Manda x

  146. God Bless you both! Thank you for sharing your journey. I too have had to accept a major disappointing and experienced a similar reawakening from our loving God!

  147. Michael you are such a strong women. God has truly blessed you with a wonderful husband. Remain faithful in your love for each other and then Lord. I pray that your life be filled with many children. There are so many children in need of homes. Have you thought of adoption? After we had our second child I couldn’t get pregnant again so we adopted a sibling group of 4 children. Our home is now complete. I will continue to pray for you both. Thank you for sharing your story.

  148. It is a wonderful thing for you to share this stage in your relationship with God. About a year ago as I was working to grow my relationship with God a conversation with a wise man at Church included “believing and having a relationship with God does not guarantee life will be easy or without pain.” I think for a long time I overlooked that. As I struggle with daily challenges and my youngest sons health I’m left to remind myself of that each day. I pray for you and Brandon to find What Gods plan is for you both. Please continue to share your beautiful story and hearts with the world.

  149. Hi Michael! I feel for you because i’m in your shoes rite now. My husband and I have been married almost ten years by next month, and we’ve walked the same path you have, and I’ve felt the same emotions. I went through several ultra sounds, and doctors appointments. I even had surgery, and even then my doctor told me that if your gonna get pregnant after the surgery, it will be within the first three months, but nothing happened. I went through a time where I blamed myself, my husband, God, and that we are not perfect. I tried changing my diet but that didn’t work either. I couldn’t understand the one thing people always told me was how great of a Mom I would be, but it was like so close yet so far away. Both of my fallopian tubes were closed, which I think was a birth defect in me, and I have stage 3 Endometriosis. I am blessed in one instance because I don’t hardly ever feel pain, but at the same time, the scar tissue in the body creates painful menstrual cramps. My doctor told me that it was improbable that I would get pregnant but not impossible . She told me to try IVF, but my parents and husbands parents are conservative christians and they advised against it. Its not guaranteed and it wasn’t anything we could afford. People told us to adopt, but we didn’t feel called to adopt. Finally one day I gave it over to the Lord, and also read that God does not promise to give children to everyone, yet we expect that’s what’s the next step. People also say to not focus on it, and it will happen when you least expect it. So I’ve let go of what I want, and said it is what it is and will be what it will be. I’m 35 now, almost 36 next month. My husband is 38. Nobody in my family or husbands has experienced this before. A friend of mine was diagnosed with PCOS and the doctor put her on a low carb diet, and that helped her. Everyone’s situation is unique, and it definitely can either help or break your marriage. It isn’t easy, but I have always said this will be my biggest testimony. Good luck and God bless, my prayers are for you.

  150. Michaela, God bless you for writing this! It touched my heart so deeply. I am not dealing with infertility, but 7 years ago a little grandson was born 12 weeks prematurely. 18 months later he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I have been a Christian my whole life and I know God is a healer! But in His wisdom He has. It seen fit to heal my grandson. He is a wonderful little boy so smart and charming and good. He never fusses that he can’t run and play but it hurts my heart. It has shaken my faith to the core so I understand what you are going through. As you say, God has a plan and I pray for you. I met your family a year ago when we were traveling to Florida and we stopped to attend church in the Holiday Inn. They are wonderful people!

  151. I’m not one who often comments because I know words often don’t convey as meant if you don’t know the person. I’m going to attempt today because I understand the utter hurt of infertility. Our first child came after 2.5 years of struggle and then was born still at 29 weeks. We were utterly broken and we quite frankly felt forsaken. God did eventually hear our prayers and bless us with our daughter who was born at 30 weeks, but alive, praise the Lord. We were so elated but knew our family wasn’t complete but were told more biological children could not happen. After much prayer we pursued adoption and now get to call a sweet little boy our son! Only God can tell you if that is right for your family, but I can tell you the love we have for our daughter and son is the same. I will pray for y’all and hope that God will give you the desires of your heart.

  152. I understand the pain your going through I too have wanted children I was married to my first love and thought it was his fault we couldn’t have children when he passed away in 2009 I longed for children still I remarried two years later and thought ok we would have children five and a half years later no children and I am 44 so I still long for them but I too have to Trust Gods plan love and much prayers

  153. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have gone through some things that left me questioning God and I appreciate your insight and encouragement. This has helped me so much. I don’t like feeling distant from God but didn’t know quite know how to get past my own pain. I will keep trusting Him as He guides me through this journey.

  154. Dear Michael,

    I just want to thank you so much for writing this beautiful post and allowing others a glimpse into such a trying time for you. It is so encouraging. I have been going through a very similar situation with my husband (we were married in 2014) and I can relate to you on so many levels. I would like to share a thought with you that has helped me get through all of this: Being a “mother” is one of God’s glorious gifts. But, being a mother doesn’t mean that you have to carry another inside of you for 9 months. It’s a calling and you can share this with others every day. I am sure that you have invested so much into the lives of others already and by continuing to do so, you are following God’s plan for your life. Always be true to that and the Lord will provide. I will pray for you both.

    Lots of love, Nicole

  155. Oh thank you for being so open and honest with your walk. You are a beautiful child of God and I love watching to see what God does in the lives of His children. Praying for you both
    God Bless

  156. Thankyou for sharing your lives so openly. You touch people’s hearts more than you will ever know. I live in Australia, I’m a married mum with 3 beautiful kids – 2 daughters and a son, (20, 17, 14). I follow all of your lives in the Bates family , as do my daughters also. What a beautiful family you all are. It has been such a gift to watch you get engaged and married, and to follow your journey. I wish you both all the love, health & happiness in the world.

    Also, I follow you on Instagram, I love to see your posts, I look forward to them, and maybe one day you may even like to have a look at our family and follow my Instagram page – Renaeturner5

  157. Thank you so much for sharing. You are such a great example of a Godly woman. I will keep you and Brandon in my prayers! Keep your eyes and heart on the Lord!

  158. Michael, you are not on this journey alone, it is a hard road to walk but with a supporting and loving husband and faith in God you can get through it. I pray your road is not as long as mine, and you are able to feel the joy of motherhood someday soon.

    Lisa

  159. Keep your faith..Never forget that God loves you. My husband and i were told that we would never have children. Five years later God blessed us with twins,boy and girl. Ten years later surprise another boy and three years later,December 30,2016 God blessed us with another son.God is so good,dont ever give up on his promises. My husband has been a pastor for 20 years . We have seen a lot in our ministry. My heart just hurts for couples going through infertility. A verse that i quote often is.. It is better to trust in the Lord then to put confidence in men.God has a plan for your life. We celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in Sept.I can tell you that it has not always been easy but God has been amazing ..

  160. I am so sorry for your pain. I think most of us as women ache to be mothers and I can’t imagine how hard what you are going through is. Please don’t lose faith our God can do anything and He will never leave you or forsake you.

  161. I have also dreamed of being a momma since I was little and even taught little ones for years. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years and married for 5. I have PCOS and children just haven’t came into the picture. I’m a god mom of 4 and an aunt of 2. It’s been trying to say the least to believe in God’s plan and timing but do keep your faith. I’ve had to learn that if children are not in my future that means I’m deemed needed for something else. I am a happy dog mom of 3 and couldn’t imagine my life without them. Many prayers and love to you.

  162. Thank you for sharing that Michaela! It does seem unfair what is happening but God is there and reaching out to you through an amazing husband it sounds like! This is a great testimony for everyone whatever we are walking through to look to who God is. Thank you for sharing your story, wisdom and encouragement. I will be praying for you.

  163. I know first hand the heartache you are living with. There are no words to describe the emptiness… Sending prayers for you both.

  164. I had secondary infertility and it took me 3 1/2 years to get pregnant with my daughter. I had sought a specialist and underwent some fertility treatments but there was never a cause for my infertility. One day I looked in the nursery at my sister’s new baby girl and I asked God why can’t I have one of these blessings and then it just came to me looking in the window a peace came over me that I can’t explain and I said to myself oh well it will be OK. It was that night that I actually conceived my daughter. It will happen for you and Brandon when the time is right. Please keep positive and stay close together. The hardest thing is seeing your sisters have babies. My two sisters had three babies between them before I had my daughter. It was the hardest thing but I enjoyed every moment with those babies. My sisters were so kind and they shared their babies with me like they were my own! I went to see them every day, held them, fed them, cuddled with them. I think when I finally let go and let God and looked in that window and accepted my journey of pain and sorrow that is when I was able to have my baby. I was able to trust in him. It will happen for you. My daughter will be 21 soon. God bless you and Brandon on your journey. I often look at my daughter and say to myself those four years of pain and hardship we’re worth that when I look at what a beautiful young lady she has become. Hugs to you. I pray this happens for you and Brandon soon.

  165. I am praying for you both. It is hard to understand God’s “No’s” or “Just wait” in all of our lives. You will hear from many that suggest you adopt or suggest & share many things & give you non-stop advice. They do it with good intentions. But listen to God alone as he truly knows your heart & pain. I struggle daily with past regrets and guilt. God reminded me again this morning that is Satan and not Him. He is a God of love, mercy, grace, and almighty power alone. Please let Him just wrap His arms around you and love you in your doubtful and fearful moments. It’s what He longs for after all.

  166. My prayers continue to be with you both. God does have a plan even if we don’t always understand. Keep trusting in Him. Blessings. Maria E. Olson

  167. I know all about not being prepared emotionally for inner pain, heartache, confusion, doubting God’s goodness and eventually sitting in jealousy and bitterness….all things I grew up around and never wanted to become. Your story gives me some hope and encourages me. I’m just learning it’s ok to be honest with God about how I’m really feeling about the pain and injustice in my life and I’m starting to do that. While I’m not back where you are in your relationship with Him, and I still struggle with trust and doubt, it’s where I want to be. I appreciate so much your vulnerability and courage to share your story. I know your heart is hurting and that’s ok. This is hard. I’m so sorry you have to experience this challenge and disappointment at this time. Praise God for your faithful, loving husband who holds you and cares for you when you need it.

  168. Michaela, I can most definitely relate. My husband and I went through 5 years of infertility and 4 miscarriages. I, like you, doubted God, cried out to God, and at times felt abandoned by God. My husband and I prayed together, and our pastor and congregation prayed with and for us. My favorite verse in the Bible is Jeremiah 29: 11-13. As I went through my very long journey of infertility, God reminded me that He was there, and that He had a plan. If it weren’t for my husband and my family, I probably would have lost all of my Faith. Through God’s grace, my husband and I are now parents to 11 children ( 7 girls and 4 boys). They range in age from 3 months to 19 years. All of them have biblical names to give all the praise and glory to God. Hang in there, and as my very dear friend and spiritual mentor says to me each day, “God’s got your back!”

  169. Michael, your words are beautiful and so is your heart. I’m sorry you and Brandon are facing infertility head on and I pray that one day God will give you a blessing beyond what you think. Reading your words makes me think about everyone who needs to find him. When the Lord blesses you with a child even if it’s through adoption but I know the you and Brandon will be great parents.

  170. Thank you so much for sharing this part of your walk with God! This is something that I needed to hear.

  171. I was crying the hole time I was reading your blog. It brought back so many memories for me because my husband and I also had trouble starting our family. I also questioned God and was starting to lose faith in Him. I did give God control of our future again and in the end God did answer our prayers the way He wanted. No, I never did get pregnant, but God did bless us with a beautiful baby girl who is now 17 years old. When she was 10 we had long since given up on having another child once again God blessed us with another baby girl. We are a foster family and a baby we had in our care the family that was supposed to adopt her backed out so we were asked if we would like to adopt her. We were scared since we were 10 years older than when we 1st became parents, but we trusted​ in God and it’s been another great journey He has blessed us with. So many people only want their own children never opening their hearts to a child that is not from their own family biogoloicaly . But let me tell you this when that baby is placed in your arms for the first time he/she is yours and you could care else who’s blood is running through their veins. All you see is this precious gift that God has given you to love and care for. I pray that God will bless you both with the child/children you are supposed to have soon. And when that happens all this pain you feel now will become a distant memory and you’ll wonder what you and Brandon did before you had kids. Because you will be so busy enjoying all that God has blessed you both with.
    God bless you both

  172. Michael God has a plan, whether it be fertility treatments and also adoption, he knows your heart and he knows what you need.. I will pray for you and ask God to let you see the blessings the future holds… All is not done yet! As I Am says Seek Me..

  173. Michael, Have you and Brandon considered trying the Kyle and Samantha Busch Foundation? I believe they are based in North Carolina, though they live in Las Vegas, NV. He is one of the leading drivers in NASCAR and they shared a very similar experience with infertility. Just a thought, may God bless both of you during this time and when God brings your blessings, He will give an abundance of joy and love.
    Sincerely, Tracy McCain

  174. I understand your heartache. I was told I would never get pregnant without help, but that was just not in our finances. So I prayed Hannah’s prayer and a few months later I was pregnant. My Hannah is 26 now and her brothers are 25 &23. Never give up hope, adjust your gripe a little and keep hanging on. Somehow the Lord will bless you with a child. Many prayers as you travel this path.

  175. Sending love and prayers y’alls way…im facing a heart transplant and I’ve given it all to God to guide me through until His will is done…God Bless You

  176. This subject is so very close to my heart. Growing up all I’d ever wanted was to be a mama, I loved my baby dolls and every time there was a new baby around I had to spend as much time as possible with the sweet thing! I had the magic touch, sleepy, squirmy or cryin baby I’d have settled or laughing in no time. One month before my 26 birthday I was diagnosed with stage 3b low grade ovarian cancer. I had still not found my Prince Charming and over the next year a land a bit did every treatment that would preserve my fertility. January 9 of this year I had to have a total hysterectomy 🙁 . My dreams have been forced to change and I’m not sure what path is in store for me but children need to be apart of it somehow even if it’s just aunty to my neice and nephew. Very very hard news to come to terms with. There is a plan and even if it doesn’t make sense now one day it will and you will understand why everything happened the way it did.

  177. Thank you Michael for sharing this with me. My husband and I had lost two babies before we got our precious baby girl Anna. A year and a half later we lost another baby. A little more than three years later God blessed us with our precious son Adam. We always knew our children were a gift from God. I truly believe that He will move for you and Brandon in His time. God blessed you with your Godly husband. You two have a beautiful love for one another and God is with you always. You are blessed to come from such a beautiful family. I love you and all your family. Our children are grown. Now our grandchildren are grown. Last year on my birthday God blessed me with my first great-grandchild. Athena is my precious newest baby in our family. My husband and I were married almost forty-three years when God called him home. I wish you many years together. They go by quickly. Love, Betty

  178. Hi Michaela !
    It’s a blessing to hear your testimony, it encourages me and many others to turn back to God even when we don’t hear an immediate response, He is just waiting to have a relationship with us so He could bless us and so He could be close to us. Thank you for obeying God and taking the courage to talk about this, I’m very sure it has been a blessing to many as it has been to me. And may the Lord do a miracle in His time and if it’s His will in you!
    May the Lord bless you and your family!

  179. My story is similar yet different. While I was able to have babies, God chose to take three of mine Home at separate times. Jesse 1, Toby, 2 1/2, and Josie Grace at 10 weeks. I didn’t understand why. At our little girl’s memorial service, my husband shared that we often ask God, “why?” when sometimes we need to ask, “why not me?”. This has been incredibly hard to do at times, but God has been so good. He has shown me so many precious blessings that I would never have seen had I chose not to trust Him. He has given you and me a rather unusual mission field to reach out to others who are hurting. A mission field we would not have chosen ourselves, but chosen for us by our precious Lord and Saviour. Like you, I had days when I couldn’t see, hear, or feel God. He never left. He carried me close in His arms when I was just to fragile to walk on. You were chosen to walk this road. Chosen by God to show His glory in a way most people won’t. Yes, sweet girl, you were chosen by God. I will be keeping you in my prayers. Life is hard, but is still good. He will fill your heart and arms in ways you could never imagine. I know. I understand.

  180. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I know it couldn’t have been easy to write this, but it speaks directly to my heart. I can’t thank you enough for sharing this-it has really helped me. I’ll be praying for y’all I now God has a great plan for your life.

  181. Very beautiful. This is a hard walk and we only get through with his hand guiding us. i remember talking to a lady one Sunday morning and telling her how my husbands cancer surgery at 25 had made him sterile and that the doctors has told us to be grateful for his healing and accept the one child we had and that I was selfish wanting more children. I poured my heart out to this woman that I had never met. She told me not to believe everything the doctors said because that only all knowing was God. She said to dry my tears because God put into her heart my husband would have a long life and we would have more children. Besides our John, we later welcomed James, Andrew and Kaitlynn.
    Each pregnancy was a blessing each child both a miracle and a blessing.

    By the way the lady I talked to was on the radio, I called into talk to her. When I called the station to get her name they had no clue what I was talking about. That hour on Sunday morning was pre recorded music. Must a been and Angel.
    My thought to you and Brandon is to enjoy this time of youness. Form your “couple” and in God’s time things will work out they way they are supposed to. Love you both. s

  182. Michaela,

    Thank you for sharing your journey of faith and infertility.

    We are celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary next month, and we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility three years ago. I can relate to the feeling of asking God, why me?

    I’ll be adding you to my prayers.

    Sending you a hug,
    Kiki.

  183. I can tell I’ve been there. I totally understand your pain, the loneliness of wanting a child and watching what seems like everyone getting prebut you. We were married about 6 months before we started trying for a baby. I was 37 he was 40. We had 5 miscarriages over the next 5 years. We went to infertility drs who said my eggs were old and his stuff was slow. We checked into invetro and started shots and my levels didn’t even go higher than 9. So we looked at adoption but due to the prices we decided to check into foster care. My husband had been brought up in fc but never adopted. Finally we were approved in February of 2012 my Dad died in March and God placed a boy in our home in April thru friends who as only God can do looks just like my husband. We also had a family of 6 for 9 months along with Aj.
    So as you follow God’s guidance remember it’s in His time not ours. Love hugs and prayers from the Anderson family.

  184. O want to encourage you to not give up. God says in his word what so ever things you desire (a healthy body and healthy baby) when you pray, believe that you have received the desire of your heart and,you shall have it. God has given us authority to speak to our mountains (infertility ) to be thou removed an cast into the sea, command infertility to go in Jesus name. Command your uterus and body to line up with the word of God. And not doubt in your heart that it’s God’s good pleasure to give you the desires of your heart. Hold fast your confession his word tells us to call things that aren’t as thou they were. And you can have what you say..Speak the word. Beloved I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health (be fertile ) even as your soul prospers. Speak into existence what you desire as your prayers line up with the desires God has for you. Children are a blessing from God. Fight, it isn’t God withholding, he wants to bless you. Satan is,trying to rob you by.stealing the word and truth. Don’t give up. With God and his word alive in your mouth you can have the things you say.
    Don’t give up. Be encouraged.

  185. I know where you are, I have been there. I am still fight this battle with God’s help I will come out on the other side with more trust and faith and a closer walk with him than I have in the beginning. I will be praying that God will Give you the desires of you heart! Thank you for being willing to share this with others. A lot of women feel there are alone or the only one going through this. We are not we have Christ and other sisters in Christ who we can draw strength from if we will be open and share. So thank you again for this! May God have the glory in this.

  186. So well said Michael. My heart aches for you. You will continue to be in my prayers for strength and comfort. God is good all the time. I have never stopped praying for you both. Hugs to you. I wish I could do more

  187. My heart goes out to you both. My husband and I were married at the same time as you and are also walking down the path of infertility. Your words mirror my own feelings of frustration, anger and doubt. It’s a painfully lonely journey and I thank you for speaking so openly about it. It is always reassuring to know that there are other people struggling and feeling the same feelings I am. God always has a plan and I’m hopeful that someday it will all make sense.

  188. Brandon and Michael,

    I have watched Bringing Up Bates since the beginning, I actually just watched your engagement and wedding episodes again yesterday.

    First off, thank you for your honesty. I am truly sorry for your struggles. It has been very clear through the show that you both would make wonderful parents.

    I pray every day that God will bless you both.

    Thank you for being an inspiration.

    Proverbs 3:5-6 ❤

  189. Our precious daughter has walked with her courageous husband the road of infertility. Over the last 10 years they’ve had two miscarriages and two adoptions that have fallen through. I must say they are now the happy Parents of two adopted boys, one a five year old that they got an infancy , and an infant that is 6 months old now and Michela I tell you this not to discourage you but to encourage you .she found out that she is pregnant after 10 years and her new baby is due 6 days before her adopted child turns 1. I will commit to pray for you that God’s will will be done and you will continue to be the radiant witness that you are to the world. With love Karen Swenson

  190. I cry as I read this rocking my own precious little one to sleep. Your heart is so kind and loving. I often wondered how you could sew baby blanket sets for other babies when you longed for your own, but that just shows what a heart you have for others. It’s the same selfless love Jesus has for us and it’s a wonderful thing to be able to do for others when yourself wants the same. I have never been in your place, but I have friends who have and I’ve seen God work miracles in their lives. I have however doubted God and been angry at him before when I was told no or not right now, but looking back it was all part of a bigger plan. A plan I couldn’t see at the time, but now it all makes sense. His way are not our ways, I learn every day. It’s okay to be upset with him because He knows are hearts and our thoughts and He will be right there with you. matt 11:28- 30. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and for our baby blanket set and I will be praying for you and Brandon. Proverbs 3:5-6

  191. I can relate so much to this journey. I always wanted to be a “mommy” and never knew it might not happen. Our journey was a huge rollercoaster! Infertility, adoptions that didn’t work out… so much anger and pain and confusion!! Why give me the desire for it to never be fulfilled??!! As time went on, one day my pastor and dear friend asked me, “What if God says no?”
    I nearly lost it!!! Why then the desire for sooooo long?!?!
    As I began to think on what he said, I came to the point where I asked God to fill me with peace and contentment if the answer is to never have a child. It took time, but one day the peace flowed through me. Unexplainable peace. We never had children, we are blessed with soon to be 30 nephews and nieces , and I’ve been a preschool teacher to 1,000’s of kids who have loved me and I have loved them. My prayer for you guys is that no matter what you have that Peace. ❤️🙏🏻❤️

  192. Oh my sweet Michaela, I myself having living the same arch as you. I have theee older sisters and between them they have 13 kids.
    My heart broke every time one said they weee expecting a baby. I too said why can’t this be me?
    My heart longed to hold a precyxhild of my own. I slowly found myself questioning Gods plan for me.
    In 2012 I married my precious husband, and couldn’t wait to become parents. Each each would come and go with no pregnancy.
    We started testing ourselves out from top to bottom, we both had no issues. We thought it maybe me my weight, so had sleeve gastrectomy in 2014. I went from 356 to 265 and still nothing.
    We have had numerous fertility treatment and nothing. My anger was getting the best of me. I said I’m done and started talking to God again.
    The answer then came I have PCOS where I don’t ovulate. Well research and prayer 🙏 has lead to ovulation.
    What I’m saying is I won’t give up on God because he never gave up on me. Prayers for you sweet Michaela and Brandon I’m sure your desires will be fulfilled soon. BTW I’m 44 and refuse to give up . We are children of the most high. Love from Richmond Virginia

  193. Michaela,
    I won’t pretend to understand your pain. I married my high school sweetheart. I am blessed with 2 wonderful sons. We were married for a little over 24 years when he found another woman and left me. I too prayed to God and did not understand. I prayed His word that He hated divorce, why let this happen, I was willing to let go to counseling and work it out. It took me years to try to get past the WHY! Then after about 7 years I found out some of the most ungodly things he and his new wife were doing and God revealed to me that if He had allowed me to have my marriage, that I loved my husband more than God. I would have went to these ungodly things to have kept him. I thank God that he let me realize this and protected me. Sometimes God shows us why He lets happen what does and sometimes He doesnt, but He is still God and He is still in control. We just have to trust in faith that ALL things work to good for those who love the Lord! I will be praying for you and your husband!!

  194. I know from watching your family on TV your love and desire for children. I have been praying for you to conceive since you and Brandon married. The Lord took me on a similar journey. I wouldn’t trade that time of really coming to know God in such a inner spiritual way for anything. My two sons are 14 years apart and prayed for 23 Years for them. Many, many tears shed, questioned my desires and finally trusted all to Him. God is faithful to His promises. He will either take the desires away or He means to fulfill them. Time means nothing to Him! If the desires are from Him your hopes will not die.

    Sending Christian love and hugs from Texas.

  195. God bless you both and just keep everything in prayer and God will show you what His will for you is.

  196. Hi, My name is Tina..
    I absolutely love your families show and miss you terribly since you left once you were married.
    I am not that big into church, however I believe that the Lord is with us always. I didn’t always believe that, when I was younger I was abused and have had to deal with this and with the help of friends and my husband I have learned that what happened wasn’t my fault. Also a few years ago I met a preacher we became friends and then he became our families pastor. He helped me realize that sometimes we have no control over things and that even on our darkest days and we say or think the Lord is not here with us, He actually is with us more. In my life I have had a lot of darkness but I have now figured out that it was the Lord that helped me through these trying times even if I didn’t realize it or even want Him. I do not write really well and I am hoping you understand what I am saying. Whatever the Lord brings to us He will pull us through it as well. God Bless you and your family.

  197. Michael, there are many who can identify with your struggle. It took 14 years for me. I had long given up (yes they gave me reasons for infertility); but I have the most beautiful adult daughter now. She is now having her own daughters! In the mean time, I became a teacher of hearing impaired children and was so blessed by them. God is good – always! He has a plan and sometimes we may never know it on this side of heaven and other times it is after many years. Try to keep telling satan to get behind you in the name of Jesus each time doubt rears its ugly head/voice. You are such a sweet blessing to your husband, family and our world.

  198. Praying for both of you. Your words are so beautiful. May our Heavenly Father wrap His loving arms around you each day.

  199. You are doing just what David did when he returned home to find his hopes and dreams not visible to him. He could not embrace his children nor wives as they were out of his reach. BUT, he encouraged himself in the Lord as are you and recovered “all”. God is so very faithful and in time your pain will seem like a distant dream overshadowed by His love for a wounded warrior. Oh, how He loves you dear ones.

  200. I too know your heartache. My husband and I are going on 7 years of marriage and have yet to conceive. I was diagnosed with Polycystic ovarian syndrome and went through a year of failed fertility treatments. I was finally told my last option would be IVF which is very costly. So thought it broke my heart we decided that if it was in God’s plan then he will one day bless us with our little miracle. Though I still once in a while get sad about it, I am finally at a place where I am okay. I am okay with God’s plan. I have been blessed with a wonderful family and loving husband. I have nieces and nephews to spoil, borrow and return to their parents 😂😂. I have my furbabies who we treat like our babies. I am happy with the life God has given me. You are not alone in this. There are so many that share your story and I think it’s great that you blog about this. These kinds of blogs helped me during my fertility journey reminding me that I’m not the only one going through this. That others share my heartache. Sending prayers your way.

  201. Very few blog posts move me to tears. Yours did. I have walked through the pain of infertility. It is more painful than anything else I have been through. 5 years after I prayed for a child God answered my prayers with a beautiful little girl. She is 9 years old and an only child. Due to complications from an IUD, I miscarried in 2013. My husband had reproductive cancer in 2011. In reality I should have never conceived. As much as I wanted to have another child, it is not meant to be. I have been and will continue to pray for you and Brandon. Thank you for opening up your heart. I needed that reminder that it is okay to be honest with God.

  202. Great share. We also are infertile and it is our cross in life. Due to medical issues my husband chooses not to talk about it or deal with it but just maybe I can get him on the adoption page with me. It takes time. The struggle is real in church, stores, places to hear babies and little children. I doubted God as well. I am struggling but don’t miss my daily prayer and conversation with God. It’s how I keep going. Hang in there, adoption parents have the biggest hearts I have been told and I am learning we do😉. Prayers for you both!

  203. Your words encourage me to draw closer to God. I too have had times of not trusting Him but He is so very faithful!
    I was told due to endometriosis I could/would never bare children. 3 years later, July 4th. 1987, I found out I was expecting my daughter. 2 years later a son and we now have 5 grandchildren. I don’t know if these are the plans God has for you but whatever His plans are they will be wonderful!!! I remember praying for God to heal my body from whatever kept me from conceiving and He did. I will pray for you and Brandon . When the two of you pray, thank Him for what He’s going to do in your life. It will be awesome!
    Thank you for your heart and for being so real.

  204. Hi. This is beautiful and sad at the same time. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Yet I am so touched by you words about God and following your heart and his plan on his time. My husband and I lost a baby when I was 21. They told us children may not be an option. I was devastated. I was depressed and angry with everyone. Even God. I had to trust and believe that I would be a mom. That I would carry another child one day. I know, 14 years later have 3 beautiful girls. It took patience and prayer and some amazing doctors but they are here. Crazy and beautiful girls. God definitely has a plan for you! You are a wonderful and beautiful person. Somewhere out there is a beautiful baby for the both of you. I feel it in my heart. Prayers and love to you both today and always! God Bless.

  205. I’ve also been concerned. I know without a doubt it’s SO hard to not loose faith when the one thing you knew He would give you the number one thing in your life you would have without doubt. Your life’s dream, the thing that is just supposed to an automatic yet hasn’t worked for you and Brandon. My heart’s been broken for yall. If this doesn’t happen for you two I believe God has another purpose for your lives. Hard to believe anything could be more important but as you two know, sometime things works in His time and on His time. Something tells me it IS going to happen for yall, when only He knows. I love yall and won’t stop praying. Sometime not sure how to pray. Love yall. Stay strong and NEVER GIVE UP!

  206. I am confident that God will give you children, in His time. The Bible says that God is the one who opens and closes the womb. Enjoy the time alone with your husband. It gets busy with children. My parents and all four of my brother’s wives had trouble conceiving, but praise the Lord, they all were able to have beautiful families. I hope this will encourage you. My daughter and I are praying for you.

  207. I do feel for you. I went thru this too in my younger years. I was lucky to have one child but lost 3 others. I think God knew I could only handle one. Now he is 40 years old with 3 children of his own. I pray for you everyday because I know the pain of losing children. God does have a plan for you. Good luck!!

  208. Beautiful, continued Prayers for Gods will and a peace and understanding only He can give. God Bless you both

  209. Dear Michaela,
    Your beautifully written words brought comfort to me as I deal with a totally different life circumstance. You have unknowingly given me a new perspective on Gods love. Thank you and may God bless you

  210. When I read this it put tears in my eyes. No matter what you have always put God first. It has been so interesting to watch your relationship with Brandon and your Father. God always has a plan and a purpose. All we need to do is trust Him.

  211. God bless you, sweetheart. Don’t worry, delayed does not mean denied. God’s grace is sufficient for you.

    Isaiah 40:31

  212. I understand and feel your pain. It’s also been my lifelong dream to be a mom. We have been married 10 years and still no baby. I hold on to God’s promises but at this point I lose hope that my dream will come true. We are 43 yrs old, lovers of Christ and have no idea at this point what is Gods plan. Please pray for us that we develop that closeness to God for I fear we do not have it. God bless.

  213. Also I feel I have no one to talk to about this, and share my feelings of such heartache…it’s nice to know you’re not alone although it’s not something I wish upon any married couple. 🙁

  214. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel blessed that I “somehow” came across it. You have blessed and encouraged a complete stranger.. Love to you

  215. My husband and I have been battling infertility for a couple of years. I too have asked ” Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” I am no longer the happy person I used to be, now I’m bitter, angry, and depressed, thinking horrible thoughts. When I first found out about my infertility, I would try to not get upset when people I knew announced their pregnancy or birth of their child, but I slowly became bitter. But I am trying to change my attitude. Being bitter isn’t going to get me anywhere. For now our journey is on hold. But I know I need to have faith even though it’s hard. Thanks for sharing your story Michael.

  216. Dear Michael and Brandon,

    So sorry to hear your news of infertility. I know that God has a plan for you. It is hard to believe that at times, however after the outcome we realize God has a different path for all of us. My Husband and I tried to have a baby for over twenty years. We went to various doctors and had various procedures. We gave up at times and thought we would be better off without kids. Then we decided on adoption. We tried to adopt two times and that didn’t work out. We decided to close that chapter of our lives, however GOD didn’t. In January of 2008 we received a call from our adoption agency in Houston and they told us a birth mom was interested. Mind you, My husband was 50 and I was 44. I got married when I was 23. We got the call on a Monday and had lunch with her on Wednesday and on Friday Christopher came home with us. We were so excited. I quit my job and everything was going great. I had been feeling badly for a few months. Mind you on 12/31/2009 I got the worst call of my life. I had stage 4 Lymphoma. My son was only 1 year old. I had very aggressive treatments and I was gone for most of the time. My family literally moved in. It was a long struggle, however all worth it. It was GODS plan for us to have him at our age. Our birth mom was great. He is the most awesome boy in the world. Just wanted to let you know that GOD has a plan for you. Don’t give up. We will pray for the two of you.

    I was mad at GOD! Then I got over it pretty quickly. I still have a few health issues, however my son keeps me going everyday. Don’t give up!

    Sincerely yours,
    Rose, Randy and Christopher Rust
    Houston, Texas

  217. This man does a whole teaching on the beatitudes and can also be found on sermonindex.

    Many blessing to you as you thirst and yearn after Christ.

  218. My hubby and I use to be where you are now. 3 miscarriages and many months spent traveling to a specialist. It turned out that I had a progesterone deficiency. We ended up being blessed with 2 girls! YOU will be where we are now! A 21 year old and a 16 year old. Believe it! Picture it in your mind! I quote “The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want” everyday! Because He IS all I need to focus upon! This is when you are running your engine on faith, and the peace of Christ will flood your soul!

  219. I have been praying for you and Brandon to have a child. I know in my heart that God will hear our prayers and bless you with a beautiful baby. I know that the two of you will be wonderful parents. Please keep believing in God’s goodness. He never let’s us down❤❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏

  220. My heart and prayers are with you both! I pray to God to send you comfort and understanding. I also pray for the right doctors find the right solution to help bring a bundle of joy to you. ❤️

    I’ve had this same struggle. After years of praying, hoping, wishing….my Husband and I now have 5 blessings from God.

    Thousands are praying for this…God hears each one. ❤️

    Also, if you have any advice on homeschooling, please let me know! This will be our 3rd year homeschooling (first year homeschooling all 5) and I can’t seem to get everything done that I’d like to. I can’t get on a schedule that works. Any advice would be very much appreciated!

  221. You are so wonderful . You witness to me through your public life and display of Christ in your life . I will be praying for your life to blessed and I thank you both for the way you have blessed mine .

  222. Many years ago, the principal of the school my kids attended had been married for 8 years and also anxiously awaited a child. She and her husband finally decided to adopt. Lo and behold, after a few months of having their first adopted child,
    she found out she was pregnant. They went on to have two children of their own and, their joy was so great that they decided also to adopt another child because they realized that they were doing a great thing by doing that. Don’t lose your faith. One day, when you are not even thinking about it, you will find out you are expecting. I will pray for you and your husband.

  223. My brother and sister-in-law have been childless since their marriage in 1995. They had turned even to alternate methods to get pregnant but to no avail. They finally turned to adoption and recently they have been granted temporary guardianship over two little boys. If they had been able to have their own children, they wouldn’t have been available for these little boys who needed them so much right now. Another friend adopted three beautiful girls and never imagined having a child of her own, until her youngest was 7 she unexpectedly found out she was expecting. She ended up having the boy she desired for, For many years. She was almost 40 before God granted the desires of her heart. My grandma had two boys and then for 5-6 years didn’t get pregnant and had not medical reasons. They found out a baby girl needed them and they adopted her. They went on to have 7 more biolgicial kids after that no problems, but God knew we needed my aunt maralyn in our lives. I know God gives us trials to test our faith and to see if he will turn our wills over to him. You may not be able to carry a child of your own, but God has plans for us and if we are open to what he wants, you may find the answers God is giving you.

  224. Thank you for sharing your story. I have felt guilty and ashamed for feeling the same way as we have been struggling with infertility for 3 years and have had many failed treatments and procedures. When I finally began looking for my joy again in Him I began finding peace and realizing that we are blessed to be in the season we are and that when we are blessed with a child of our own we will truly be blown away in awe for what our Father can do! Praying for you and Brandon.

  225. I’ve been praying for you two since shortly after your wedding. My husband and I cannot have babies either. It is a horrible thing because others do not understand and you are babies everywhere. We eventually adopted three brothers from Ukraine and a little girl from china. I pray to adopt another girl or two from china. But my husband says no, I’m praying for God to change his heart. I will continue to pray for you two.

  226. My heart hurts just by reading your testimony. I myself went through a long & painful journey. I got married in April 1999, went through a few fertility treatments without success. After I had lost all hope of becoming a mom I found out I was pregnant in January 2010! It was the most beautiful & excited time of my life, I loved being pregnant. I now have two boys & they are the love of my life. Have faith & God will grant you the joy of motherhood. You are going to be a lovely mom!🙂

  227. I am not sure what I think/feel about God. I am glad you get comfort in that, I never did. I struggled (and I mean struggled) with infertility for 10 years. My husband and I met at 17, dated through college and married at 24/25. My perfect life plan was we would be married for 3 years and then when I was 27 and he 28 we would have the first of our 4 children. Infertility knocked me to my knees. I did more medical treatments and faced disappointment after disappointment. Finally after more years/shots/drugs/tears I became pregnant with my daughter. I had her at 35 and wanted another so bad. I could not emotionally handle more medical treatments and I had several losses mixed in those years. Babies that I wanted so bad, but I never got to meet. At 42 I was surprised with a pregnancy and had my son. I am blessed to have my 2 kids, but I still deal with heartache and the what might have been. I am jealous of large families and people who just become pregnant. It is a hard journey and I recommend you do medical treatment/intervention as soon as you can. Find a wonderful Reproductive Endocrinologist and do all you can. Just know that every step of this journey is hard, it takes so much from you and people don’t understand. My hope for you is that you will get the baby you so desperately want/deserve. You will be wonderful parents. Hugs to you.

  228. I have enjoyed following your family and seeing the Bates family grow. I was told for almost 20 years I couldn’t have children. Never had a medical diagnosis but it never happened, not naturally, not with medications, or even IVF. To say I was angry for years is probably an understatement. I was raised in a strong Christian home and knew that God was in control but it was so hard when all my friends were having babies – even those who never wanted kids. Finally at 39 years old I told my husband out loud for the 1st time ever that if God chose to never give me kids I could accept that. That was Feb 2013. I was at peace finally with that and had finally accepted I was just going to be the cool aunt forever!! Well July 17 2013, I found out I was pregnant. God blessed me with a beautiful baby girl on Feb 28, 2014 and every single day I thank him and am so grateful. Don’t lose faith. God’s timing is always perfect. You will be in my prayers.

  229. Michael and Brandon,
    First and foremost thank you for sharing your entire journey (from courtship to marriage) with the world. I would like to also say that your are in my prayers, and I hope God continues to guide you throughout this journey.

    Reading this made me cry. Not because of your struggles, but your raw emotion and ability to share your moments of unfaithfulness and doubt. You are in the spotlight and are humble enough to show vulnerability. Thank you for reminding me that having faith isn’t a one shot cure to all problems, you have to keep at it by reading scripture, prayer, and fellowship.

    I remember your mother said in a birthday post a while back, that you are an example of a wonderful Christian. Michael you truly are inspiring. I hope you understand that. I am not married and have not experienced what you are dealing with. I do know what grief feels like. I really wish I could put into words how meaningful this post has been to my life at this moment.

    Thank you!
    And for encouragement 2Corinthians 4:7-9.

  230. Michael, I am so sorry for your struggles in this journey. I had the same journey and endured the same doubts and fears. I learned the hardest way possible to trust God’s timing, for only He knows what’s best! I struggled to discuss our fertility journey as well because I was ashamed about it. I felt like I had cheated my husband of the one thing I was supposed to be able to do. But, in praying and seeking God from the bottom of the miry clay pit in which I found myself for almost 5 years, I learned that my struggle could bless someone else who was also struggling. I found the courage to open up and share the pain and it helped so much! I commend you for talking about it. Nothing will lessen the struggle but it does change your perspective and understanding of God’s timing and His grace.

    I wish I could say, “Chin up, it will get better.” But that’s not fair to say because this is you and Brandon’s journey and I don’t want to diminish your emotions. All I can say is that God is faithful and His timing is perfect. In case you’re curious, my rainbow baby just turned one and there will NEVER be enough words for me to express my thanks to God for this miracle. Remain steadfast in your love for God and for Brandon and you can get through any journey brought your way. You are amazing and I am praying for you and Brandon!!

  231. Dear Sweet Michaela,
    I was married for 11 years before God gave us our one and only baby girl! She is now 27 years old. I can empathize with you. I remember how devastated I was as everyone else was getting pregnant & all I had asked for was just 1 Lord! hose days of waiting were very depressing and I even considered suicide. I was a born again Christian but felt that God had abandoned me. I turned away from the Lord for a time. In His perfect timing, He blessed us with a baby. I am beyond grateful for God’s forgiveness & mercy! Please know that you are a tremendous blessing & encouragement to many. I will surely be praying for you both as you wait on the Lord. In Christ, Penny Schreck

  232. Hi Michaela,

    I cannot tell you just how perfect the timing of your blog entry was for me tonight. I have watched you grow over the years (watching the Duggars and now your new show), and my heart goes out to you, and I’ve been praying for you all these years. You have been an example to me of trusting in the Lord well before your married years. I’ve watched you patiently wait on the Lord for Brandon at the right time, all the way to your engagement and wedding day. God sees your patience and He is faithful to those who wait with thanksgiving. Remember how patient you were in waiting for Brandon all those years? You can do this, too!

    I also know that you have been in love with children since you were a kiddo yourself, and that is a sweet and precious thing to see. I also wondered if God is now giving you time to be alone with Him, without little ones around you, to test your heart and do you good in the end? Just a thought about this season of life and the purpose He has for you–to discover additional giftings, to have a new walk with Him? Knowing that when the children come, they will come quickly and you will be busy once again.

    Finally, I want to thank you for the timing of this post and sharing your heart struggles with all of us women (and men). I was starting to feel more and more discouraged in my walk with the Lord, as I desire to be married but have not yet met the person God has for me. I began to doubt God, and in prayer, I heard God remind me of His grace and faithfulness. To trust these two character traits completely. I also see that His message to me has come through tonight–through you.

    Thank you for your post. It has changed my perspective and encouraged me in a time of deep sorrow. For that, perhaps it makes this all worth it, for the two of us.

    Many Blessings, Sarah

  233. Dear Michael, thank you for your courage and transparency in sharing such a deeply personal journey. As someone who could not have babies, my heart totally hurts with you. I will keep you and Brandon in my prayers as you trust and wait on our Lord. Sending you hugs from Boynton Beach, Florida

  234. Michaela,

    You are truly an inspiration. My husband and I found out years ago we only had a 1% chance of a pregnancy, due to a male factor. It was hard at first, but now that I am 48 years old, and have experienced some of the life struggles I have faced, I realized God knew exactly what he was doing. If your husband hasn’t been tested, please go that route. My doctor did not want us to do anything drastic with testing with me, until we had him tested. I’m glad we did.

  235. My heart breaks for you. My husband and I struggled with infertility as well. We finally were blessed with our first child 7 years after we married. We went through all the infertility testing from the female perspective. However, it took years before anyone said, you need to have your husband checked out too. He underwent testing and an issues was found. He had surgery to correct it and that is how we were able to conceive. I just wanted to reach out to you and encourage you to have your husband tested as well. I will pray for you and your husband. I hope you will be blessed with many children in the years to come.

  236. So sorry to hear about your strugglers! Look into Trim Healthy Mama… I have heard alot of people saying that they started the plan and they ended up getting pregnant (after years of not being able to conceive)

  237. Thank you so much for sharing this very personal and thoughtful blog post. My hope for you is that you continue to grow in strength, perseverance, love, positivity and hope during this trying time. I can empathize in that I am 27 and unmarried with no courtship in the works. My father was not in my life. I have prayed for love from a male and a traditional family for myself since I was 15. I can understand your pain in deep yearning. From sharing a similar journey, I can say with certainty that clinging to positivity and what ever good has come from this journey is what will keep you sane. Don’t lose sight that it’s not about the destination it is about the journey. Cherish every blessing along the way and just chose to keeping living as best as you can.

  238. I know the heartbreak you’re going through. My husband and I have been married for seven years, we tried for the first two years of our marriage then I was having health problems and now five years later we’re trying again and once again no baby. We’ve been through the tests and everything is fine but still we’re not pregnant. We were told sometimes there are no answers. They told us to try IUI but the thought of going through more medical stuff for something I thought I would’ve never dreamed of having a problem with, getting pregnant was the one thing I thought I could do. Before we try IUI I found a chiropractor that helps with fertility and I pray that with her help and lots of praying we can conceive naturally. I pray one day that you will have all the children you’ve always dreamed of.

  239. Michael I’m so sorry to hear of your struggle. I too suffered from infertility after I got married. Fortunately Dr. Barnes at the Northwestern Center for Reproductive Endocrinology was able to help me and my husband conceive our children. It is an amazing blessing to have world class medical resources here in chicago. I hope you are blessed with children soon.

  240. My aunt was an adoption social worker all of her adult life. She was 42 when she finally found the one God had planned for her and after they married, they immediately tried to conceive. Unfortunately endometriosis had taken its toll and she was unable to conceive. They ended up adopting internationally and were blessed with 4 kids from Guatemala. She is now in her 60s with teenagers at home and one night she said to me “I don’t know why God had me wait so long to find my husband and have kids. I’m so tired. It sometimes seems unfair.”

    I was shocked. The most devout woman I know was questioning God”s plan. So then I told her what I believed was so clearly God”s reasoning. “If you had kids when you were younger, you wouldn’t have been in our (nieces and nephews) lives as much. You’re the reason we all believe in the Lord. God’s purpose was to have you there as another mother, and you couldn’t have had the time if you were busy with your own family.” She laughed and said “all these years I’ve preached to you, and you could see this so much more clearly than me!”

    I hope the Lord’s plan is a bit quicker for you, but in the meantime, I have a feeling you’ll be a mom or mother figure to many more bonus children than you can imagine as you wait on his timing.

    God Bless!

  241. We met in April (in Texas). I’m the mom with 2+quads.
    I’ve been praying for you often and will continue to do so. We love you all.
    Kami

  242. Hi Michaela, God bless you and your family. I love you all and never miss your show. I know what your going through, for my was 6 yrs trying to have a baby and you I cry myself to sleep often, I crochet and sew for all my friends babies. Keep asking God over and over and praying, until a Pastor in Texas pray for me and he told me that stop asking God for a baby, God already know that you want one. He told me that I need to start given thanks for the miracle. Star treatment and in less than 30 days I was pregnant. They found that my prolactin levels were 6 time higher than normal, according to my body , I was always pregnant. I was bless with a beautiful baby girl and soon after a baby boy. Today I am mother of a 28 and 29 yr old and got 3 grandkids and another one in the way. Never take your eyes away from God and give Him thanks for the baby that is coming.

  243. I have been praying that God would bless you & Brandon with a child and I will keep praying. You are a very special young lady Michael.

  244. Hola Michael: desde Chile te mando saludos!!!
    Lo caminos de Dios son misteriosos y muchas veces se hace difícil no perder la fe. No logramos entender que es lo que quiere o espera y el tiempo se nos viene encima sin lograr comprender cual es el rumbo

    Animo, has tenido una linda vida y eso seguirá siendo así.
    Los hijos ya vendrán! de una u otra forma Dios te dará ese regalo

  245. While you both rely on your faith in God, it can also be of help to join a fertility support group. It helped my husband and I by talking to others experiencing much the same journey. Well-meaning friends and family, who do not face this struggle, simply cannot grasp the enormity of the grief and self-recrimination that so often comes with facing infertility.
    As a senior citizen, I can look back now on those difficult times through a broader perspective, as well with the benefit of hindsight. I learned a great deal, not the least of which was to seek a second and third medical opinion. I also came to know that life happens while we are busy planning something else. That’s not to mean that the ‘something else’ is inferior, just different. Our ‘something else’ turned out to be two wonderful children we adopted from South Korea. (They are now all grown up and we wouldn’t trade them for the world!) A wise person once told me that some of our most treasured blessings turn up in ways we would never expect. Considering this, I had to decide what I wanted more- to experience pregnancy and have a biological child or to be a parent. Last, but not least- I learned that my ability, or lack thereof, to procreate does not define who I am as a person. Remember, it doesn’t take any skill or intelligence to make a baby and infertility is not a punishment for sin.
    “When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” ~Alexander Graham Bell
    Blessings!

  246. Thank you for sharing your heart Michael! My husband and I have been married 12 years and have not been able to have children. We have learned that God’s no is better than our forcing a yes. His no is always for our protection. Enjoy the time alone with your husband! God can use you and is using you in so many other ways!!!!! Your testimony and faith is an encouragement to me. Lots of love being sent your way from NYC!

  247. Dear Michael,
    Thank you for opening up so much to all of us that you don’t even know. What a love for the Lord you have now,and for your husband. I am not going to tell you “I know how you feel” because I don’t. but I can tell you I know how it feels to wait on the Lord. I am going to be 25 this year,and I have always knew that God wanted me to be a wife and mother. But His time line in not always as ours. I am not married,and the hardest thing to do is wait….and wait. God has His plain for me,as He does for you and Brandon.
    This has touched my heart and helped me. I watched your love story come true. and how God has blessed you in your faithfulness. Maybe one day,Lord willing, you will post “your are with child” and I can post “I am Mrs……”. This girl Will be praying for you,will you do the same for me?????? Thank you,so much
    Amy-heaven bound!!!

  248. Oh Michaela! Thank you so much for courageously sharing your heart with the world. God is doing mighty things in and through your life and it is so beautiful. As I read your blog post, I couldn’t help but completely relate to your story and your journey. I, too, longed and ached to be a Mama my entire life and after marrying my dream man struggled with my faith as we struggled through infertility. I felt like it was a death of a dream and I grieved hard for a child to hold, love and care for. The verse that God gave to me and I meditated on through my journey was Hebrews 10: 23 “Let us hold UNSWERVINGLY to the hope we profess for He who promised is faithful.” Our great God has given us a hope in Him and has promised to be faithful and I need to grip Him hard and hold unswervingly to His promises. This verse gave (and continues to give) me so much hope. Adoption wasn’t my Plan A for my life but it was God’s Plan A for my life and boy oh boy am I SO grateful to Him that He has better plans than I do! We brought our precious, adorable, smart, healthy and tiny (5 lb) Ellis home from the hospital in February of 2014 and our lives have been blessed beyond measure. He is EVERYTHING I ever dreamed of and I’m so grateful to be his Mama! As we wait for our second baby to come home through adoption, the same insecurities and doubts start to creep in and I am reminded to hold unswerving to my mighty God as I plan my ways but ultimately He directs my steps. Again, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your heart. Your words touched me and I couldn’t help but comment and let you know that I promise to be praying for you and Brandon as you journey together. May God richly bless you with the desires of your heart! I know the road, it’s tough, and you’re not alone. He is with you and you have strangers praying on your behalf!

  249. After reading your blog, I immediately thought of Abraham and Sarah. She wanted a baby more than anything. She tried to take the situation in to her own hands by letting her maidservant, Hagar, lie with her husband. Hagar got pregnant and delivered a son but Sarah was still unhappy. She finally trusted God and He blessed her with Isaac. Michaela, you are such a blessing and your Isaac will come to you in God’s timing. You are such a blessing to watch on TV and you have such a sweet spirit. I will pray for you and Brandon and I look forward to see what God has in store for you both.

  250. Hi Michael.

    What a strong and brave soul you are for sharing your testimony. May God continue to lead, keep and strengthen you and Brandon. Day by day, the Lord will continue to manifest His plan to you – all while drawing you and your husband closer to Him and to each other…and I believe that you both are destined to be a parents – all in the Lord’s way and timing. God bless you.

  251. Michaela,
    This spoke to my heart. I have been where you are and it is such a struggle. Something I learned in the 5 years I walked this path was that I made having a child into an idol. And we know that God does not tolerate idols of any kind. It wasn’t until I completely let go and fully trusted in God that He blessed us with our miracle baby. It took 5 years, many tests, and a cross country move to get to this point but it was worth it. I learned so much and like you, my relationship with God changed and strengthened. I pray that your relationship with God continues to grow and strengthen, and that in His perfect timing He will grant you your heart’s desire.

  252. Michael,
    Thank you for openness. I am sure there are many women who will be encouraged., in all situations where we can lose sight of God at work in our lives.

  253. Dear Michaela,

    My heart and love and prayers go out to you. You are such a beautiful soul and such an encouragement to me. Your love for kids and your selflessness and modesty always makes me wanna be like you when i grow up.

    God has a way of strengthening our faith and keeping us in his promises. He sure will not leave you nor forsake you; Hebrews chp13vs 5. There is nothing, absolutely nothing too hard for the Lord.

    He still got you on his mind; Your miracle bundle of joy is on it’s way; in multiples.

    God bless you.

    -(MonaLisa, Ghana-West Africa)

  254. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please add my email to get your blog. Thank you. Susan

  255. Please be tested for the same condition that affects your sister Erin. If testing cannot find any medical reasons, then just relax and put it out of your mind as much as possible. Sometimes when people stop trying is when they soon find themselves with child. Bless your hearts, keep the faith, and soon you may find yourselves with your miracle.

  256. When my Husband and I were married. Our pastor prayed for us and we were told that we will have two boys. We do not know when but as we were still studying, we decided to hold off getting pregnant. After three years we started trying but it took us two years to conceive my elder boy. I was at risk of getting a miscarriage and was ordered bed rest for my first trimester and my elder boy whom we named Luke, came out three weeks early via c-section because I was in labour for two days without progress. He was born at 37 weeks without the need to go into NICU.
    My younger boy was born six years later. Yes, we tried for six years before getting pregnant again. We held on to God’s promise, but at times we felt like giving up. Again, I was ordered bed rest and needed injections to keep my pregnancy. My younger boy was given the name Asher as God spoke to me to look for a name with the meaning “blessed “. Only the name Asher came up. He was born at 35 weeks via c-section because my previous scar was paper thin. Thank God, no NICU needed as well. But our tests aren’t over.
    Two years ago, my Husband loses his job. He is a lawyer. But because he a good man, he doesn’t play politics like everyone else in the firm. I just had my younger boy back then and with him losing the job, our stress level was very high. But thank God, he found another job in two weeks.
    Last year my husband had a mini stroke and discovered an incidental cavernoma. He recovered in a week and doctor is going to monitor his cavernoma annually. Thank God everything is fine.
    Last week, my husband lose his job yet again. He was the managing partner’s favourite lawyer, so when the managing partner stepped down, two of the partners take things into their own hands by terminating my Husband without the knowledge of other partners. Three days later, thank God for providing, my Husband got a new job in a new firm. But now, we are tired and weary. We know that God will provide, but after going through all the above, we are losing faith as well.
    I am writing this to show that everything is in God’s timing and at the same time, I am asking fellow brothers and sisters to pray for us as well. We are from south east Asia and I can’t name the country because of my husband’s job. Thank you. Daniel, Eliza, Luke and Asher.

  257. If you’re interested, we have a great doctor whose motto is “If everyone else has given up, come see me”. (Doctors had given up on our family and he is helping us amazingly. God led our path to Him – in His time.) He does everything natural; no chemical medicines. Natural medicine gets at the root of the problem and heals the body, instead of treating the symptoms. He’s been in medicine over 35 years and knows people around the U.S. that he can recommend to. He’s worked with infertility cases. I spoke to him weeks ago about his experience, thinking of you. If you would like more info, please send me an email. Also, if you want a reference, I have a cousin who is a professor at Crown College. I can also give you that info by email. I don’t want to put it out publicly on your blog.

  258. I was blessed with my daughter 10 yes ago but for the last 4 yes have struggled to have my second child. Reading your story is similar to mine. Many test done but no reason as to why I can’t stop losing. I too pulled away from my faith I quit going to church and turned away from my friends there because they were experiencing what I wanted to. I have not found my way back like you. I hope things change for you and Brandon. I know it’s a very hard road to travel.

  259. “You can never learn that Christ is all you need, until Christ is all you have.”

    Praying for you in Jesus’ powerful name, sister. What a saviour we have, draw close to Him and He will draw close to you xxx

  260. I am so sorry you have to go through this and I will pray for you! I have PCOS and had to go through fertility treatment just to get pregnant and when I finally did get pregnant, I suffered a miscarriage. After the 2nd miscarriage, further testing revealed that I also had thick blood. So once we started trying again, I started taking baby aspirin and once I got pregnant, I had to inject blood thinners up til the 38th week of pregnancy. But it was well worth it, because I was blessed with a boy first and 2 years later with a girl. My left ovary was taken out when my daughter was born because I had a “borderline tumor” on it and my right tube was blocked last the doctors checked, so they said that my chances of getting pregnant naturally where slim to none. Well, I guess, they didn’t factor in the miracles the LORD can create! I found myself pregnant, against all odds and now have a 2nd daughter who just turned 4 months old. Of course, I was immediately put on blood thinners etc. But everything turned out good. So don’t loose hope! God’s timing doesn’t always match up with what we think it should be. Trust in his plans for you

  261. For all Parents who see this and have an Angel in Heaven. No matter your Angels age or how they became a Angel. This is a closed support group for you a Safe Haven where you can just read, share your story, and support other Grieving Parents. A place you are free from judgement. You are never alone in this many have come before you.

  262. Dear sweet Michaela-
    Bless your heart. From reading your blog post and from reading some of the replies, I feel comfort in knowing God ALWAYS has a plan He is Always faithful and sovereign. We also struggled with infertility. I also wanted a big family and only eve dreamed of being a mothers! At first, I struggled before I even met my husband, wondering would I ever get married? I did not meet who the Lord had for me until I was 33. The Lords timing is perfect!
    He is 5 years younger than I am and he wasn’t ready for marriage until we met.
    After we married we started our family right away, the first year was very hard, many negative pregnancy tests. Trusting that God has a great way and knowing that His timing was perfect, I began to doubt. We were finally pregnant before our first anniversary and I had a beautiful baby boy. However, during the excitement of finally having a lifelong dream realized, we found out that my mother had stage 4 brain cancer. I also had a very high risk pregnancy and this was the toughest blessing. The Lord called my sweet mother of only 59 years home, and she never met him. She passed 1 week after I gave birth. Then there were more challenges to walk through. Our sweet boy ended up in Nicu after dehydrating. And we had to leave the hospital without him.
    All these challenges presented the opportunity for us to lean on God. Trusting His plan was not always easy.
    After, time passed we tried to grow our family for years, and to no avail, we could never have another child. I cried for years and ask why Lord? He always came back and said to trust Him. Now I am about to be 47 and my sweet boy is 10 1/2. And even though I don’t have the big family I always dreamed of, I know that Gods plan is great and one day I will understand!
    I know all these stories resonate with you I thank you for sharing your struggle. As a Christian homeschooling family, I often get asked “you only have 1 child?”… and my response is always this was what the Lord had planned for us, I am thankful that I have this child!
    Bless you and Brandon… I will keep you in my prayers 🙏❤️

  263. Michaela,
    My name is Tammy, I have been where you are…..it is a terrible place to be. I remember being on the alter every chance I could begging and pleading with God to give me the desire of my heart. My husband and I suffered a miscarriage after seven years of marriage, and then struggled to get pregnant for two years after that, we did all the fertility drugs, and even talked about IVF I remember talking to God and saying, Father if this is not your will for my life, please take the desire to have a child out of my heart. I always looked at it like this, I felt like a child in a candy store with my daddy, I ask and ask for a piece of candy knowing my daddy has the money in his wallet but would not buy me any candy. I was so frustrated, not wanting to be around my pregnant friends. I struggled…..BUT GOD, had a beautiful plan for me. My husband and I had just had our 10 year anniversary and I was pregnant. I carried my daughter Callie Grace to 26 weeks, she weighed 1 pound 15 ounces and 14 inches long. Two months in the NICU, two bleeds on her brain and rivers of tears. But, she is a MIRACLE she is going to celebrate her 15th birthday July 22, and I’m here to tell ya…..GOD IS ON THE THRONE. I tell everyone I meet what God has done for me. Callie Grace is a loving beautiful girl that loves God. I’m praying for you and Brandon. I know God has big plans for your life and you will be blessed abundantly. You are a blessing to me, God bless you my friend!

    Blessings Always
    Tammy

    Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed for I am thy God:
    I will strengthen thee;yea, I will help thee;
    yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
    Isaiah 41:10 kjv

  264. You are so brave to go public with your struggles! You aren’t alone and by you being in the public eye you can bring light to this issue in a way no one else can. That may be what God has planned for you to be this messenger. God Bless!!!!
    I totally understand your pain. I am 35 and have been trying for 2 years. I found great specialists who diagnosed me with pcos and removed cycts from my uterus. I pray this IUI works and if it doesn’t we will try again. However, what this waiting has allowed me to see is just how much I want to be a mom and allowed my husband and I to grow together as we are a team on this journey.

  265. I know it’s not the exact same but l have struggled many years with waiting on a husband. My whole life l have dreamed of being a wife and momma and that just isn’t in God’s plan right now. As the years have passed l’ve come to better accept and trust, but especially in the earlier years it was very hard. I never thought l would be 30 and single, but here l am. Thankfully, God gives peace. Thank you for sharing your journey as well. There is comfort in knowing others face the same/similar trials.

  266. This type of grief can be all consuming. . . But, you HAVE to make sure that you “show up” for your life. Everyday. As God prepares you for motherhood (whether it is by birthing or adopting a child (I have done both)), get out there and embrace the possibilities for something really cool to happen. I understand your love for children. But, TRY something that doesn’t have to do with early childhood care/education. Do something that DOES NOT constantly remind you that you want to have a baby. You already know that you want to have a baby.
    Praying for you!
    Remember:
    1. Moses was adopted.
    2. Jesus’ foster dad/earthly father was Joseph.
    Peace be with you!

  267. Reading what you wrote has really brought comfort to me. My husband and I have been trying for 4 years now to conceive only to be heartbroken each month. We are both Christian and this has definitely tested our faith, I sometimes felt like God was punishing me or thought I would be a bad mother. I always wanted to be a mom and I’m not giving up hope! Just wish fertility treatments weren’t so costly! Just know you aren’t alone, He has a plan for us 😊

  268. Michaela,

    I’m sorry you are going through this journey but thank you for sharing your story because I know you are an encouragement to others. I am praying for you and know God has a plan for your family.

    Sending hugs!

    Cindi

  269. Michaela, I heard Anne Graham-Lotz (one of the daughters of the great evangelist Billy Graham) testimony online this week and she too struggled to conceive. After approx a year, and visiting the Dr, her Mum, Ruth, gave her advice to fast as well as pray. So one day a week Anne fasted and prayed for a whole year, when she became pregnant. We both know fasting is not a method trying to change God as He is constant and sees everything from a far greater perspective (Isaiah 55:9) but prayer & fasting (food, leisure activities… for serious time spent with God instead) so changes us, purifying our hearts for Him only as you have so eloquently written. And fasting changes things in the heavenlies like when Daniel fasted and prayed for his nation – sadly, we live in a fallen world and things are not perfect nor fair. Yet, God amazingly cares so tenderly to hear our whispered, heartfelt, tearstained prayers and lovingly draws us to Himself into His sweet comforting presence that makes living ‘without’ bearable although not painless.
    May God give you and everyone else on here, that is longing for a child, His gift of grace to walk through each day.

  270. Michael,

    This poem that was passed on to me many years ago & serves to remind me to “Let go, and let God.” I have since passed it on to friends that have crossed my path. I don’t know the author.

    As children bring their broken toys, with tears, for us to mend
    I brought my broken dreams to God because He was my friend
    But then, instead of leaving Him, in peace, to work alone
    I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own
    At last, I snatched them back and cried “How can you be so slow?”
    “My child,” he said “what could I do? You never did let go.”

  271. Dear Michaela, i am writing from Hungary. My english is not the best but i understand all your struggles. I didn’t read all the comments but if you search on youtube you will find Narida Walker (faithful australian lady) and her videos about God and infertility with her testimonies
    I struggled almost 2 hard years with this horrible “roller coster” ride and after i saw her videos about who i am in Christ and what He really done for me in this subject and then i had stop testing/charting/and whach my symhtons i focused all the scriprures what she shared from the Bible after 1 mounth i found i was prgnant. Since than we have the 2nd little girl.
    I know you got a lot of message and lot of good advice but please whach her videos.

    God bless you
    Szabina

  272. After losing my 1st daughter at 36 weeks to a tumor in her heart, it made me question God and what he was doing in my life. I had 2 miscarrages in the next 6 months. We were then given an opportunity to adopt a little baby boy that was due in 2 weeks. We were given finacial help and worked with wonderful people that were able to get all of our paperwork done to bring home our new son 2 days after being born. That was almost 9 months from when my daughter past. 14 years later and we have a 12 year old girl and twins that are 7 also. As hard as it is, keep trusting. He will provide but may not be the way you expect.

  273. While I do not know your pain, since everyone’s pain is different, I do know the pain of infertility. Ours could never be diagnosed or explained. We were able after 5 years, to have one child, but have never been able to expand our family. We have had many trials, including a failed adoption, but have always had God to turn too.
    I pray you are able to heal and can open your hearts to fostering or adopting….so many children need to be loved and cared for.
    Thank you for openly sharing your trials!

  274. Michael I feel your pain & hurt as I read your story because I truly can 100% relate! I was raised in church always trusted God to meet all our needs & even hearts desires!At age 12 I started severe female problems,be 19 a complete hysterectomy due to endometriosis spreading to other organs.The doctor told my parents I was the youngest in his practice to ever go through so much,broke their hearts! Age 21 married an amazing Godly man that had always wanted to adopt,only God could do that!For 9 LONG years I cried,prayed & even begged God to create a new womb I wanted to give birth & be a mommy!We had to save because adoption is very expensive but finally a birth mom chose our profile after only being on the list one year! I promised God if he opened this beautiful door I’d tell everyone our blessing to help hurting women!Your right,all my family were having babies,showers but I became hurt,bitter & even felt I did something wrong to loose my womb! We adopted our son at 2 weeks old, BEAUTIFUL child I was FINALLY a mommy!!!! Now he’s 14 starting highschool & I tell him all the time he’s our miracle, straight from heaven chosen just for us! PLEASE rest in Christ,God has a special plan for you!I know you want to carry a child 9 months & I pray that happens for y’all BUT there are babies/ kids that need homes as well!We watch the ” Bates” every week LOVE THEM!! Be strong,relax let God handle the rest,love in Christ!! Melissa from Ga!

  275. Thank you for sharing, Michaella. Even though you shared on what you are going through, I now have a new perspective on my own personal heartache. Where I have lost focus and how to get it back. You married a wise man of Godly counsel.

  276. Michael – I was so touched reading your blog. I am 73, never married and while my “dream” growing up was to be married and a mother, God had something else in mind. I don’t know what his plan is for you, my sweet girl, but I know it’s a good plan. His way IS perfect — not always what we thought it would be. I feel sure in His time, He is going to give you the desire of your heart. It may be that the avenue through which He provides is not through your womb, but that of another. However it occurs, that child will be so richly blessed to have you and Brandon as parents. You are a precious couple. You certainly had wonderful role models for marriage – your parents are awesome!!!! I pray that all of the comments you are receiving are encouraging and helpful.

  277. I am so sorry for your heartache. I know that feeling, that void, so well after 13 years of trying and even trying IUIs. Thankfully, after a lot of prayers and being brought back to my faith in His goals for my journey, we realized that we were called upon to adopt an older child instead. Older children are seldom adopted and the statistics are heartbreaking. Once I stumbled across this realization of His direction, so many difficulties in the journey made sense and I now have such contentment that God didn’t forget me, despite all of my “why me”s. I pray that you find your path and happiness, and am so glad you found your faith again.

  278. Michaela thank you for sharing your journey and I am praying for you both I know that God has a plan for us all and reading your post today your words have helped me to realize that I need to find my way back to God and to start to live a better life for him I pray one day all your dreams will be fulfilled !!!

  279. Michael,
    I understand how you feel. We were married nearly four years before we had our first child 21 years ago. We also saw a fertility doctor and after just a few visits, we were expecting with the help of medical intervention. Our children are now young adults. Don’t forget there are many ways to be a mother. We had looked into adopting too. Adopting children would not make you any less of a mother. I will keep praying for you. Don’t be discouraged. You are not alone in this journey. We are faithful people too and we also relied our our faith to keep us strong. Just remember that in the two decades that have passed since our experience, many more things have been learned to help couples. God bless you!

  280. Finding you strength in the Lord first and then Brandon and you family is very important. My husband and I have been married for 26 years and we could not have children. We lost 2, I always say the Lord needed them for something special. I know I will meet them one day. In God’s time. Our life is very full but I do have to say I would love to know why we could not have children. But I must not question much for I trust in the Lord.

    Many blessing for you and Brandon.

  281. I do believe that God will provide for you in all areas of your life. Remember that nothing is impossible for God!

  282. Dear Michael and Brandon. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I, too, struggled with infertility. I would cry every month and beg God to give us a child. I remember watching the scene from Facing the Giants when the coach’s wife said “How can I miss someone so much that I’ve never even met.” That just broke me. Anyway, the purpose of my comment is to share some wisdom my uncle gave us. He is a youth pastor and loves and Lord with all his heart. He said the term “start a family” can hurt so much because it can make you feel like you and your husband are not a family. His wisdom was “the husband and wife make a family; children enhance the family.” This got me through some very difficult times. I’m praying that God will continue to give you peace and comfort as you walk this journey. God never wastes any pain and by you sharing your story I believe you will be a great encouragement to other couples.

    In Christ.

  283. I’ve felt on my heart tonight to come comment and let you know God is a God of miracles. He’s still the same God, and does not break his promises. God will bless you for the grace and amazing faith you have shown through this journey and season that you have been walking through. I’ve greatly enjoyed getting to “know” you and you’re family with social media and your blogs. Will continue to believe with you for you’re little one in due time!

  284. I could have written this myself a decade ago. I struggled in my faith and let my emotions really get the best of me. I did eventually give birth to my son after years of infertility and treatments and even then still didn’t understand why it happened to me. I don’t think I really gained an understanding of God allowing me to experience such heartache until I went through more years of infertility for my second child and a pregnancy never happened again. That was when I reached out and quit begging for a baby and started praying for peace and direction in our journey. That’s when he led me to the path of adoption. We adopted our daughter 7 years ago, and she is my reason. God prevented me from giving birth again because she was meant to be my daughter. He had planned my family (a totally different plan than I had). He gave me far more than I planned or deserved. The heartache was to help me trust Him and build a better relationship. Hang in there and know that even in the depths of despair He had a perfect plan for your future. That’s not easy in the moment. It’s also hard to be grateful when grieving.

  285. Michaela – I am moved at your openness and bravery. We may never understand why we have to endure such heartache. I think to myself often, how blessed am I to have people I can share my heart with, like my Momma. It sounds like God has blessed you with a loving family, and a husband you can share your heart with. I believe most people have something they are struggling with, they just might not share it with others. To me there is such beauty in sharing, as it allows connections to be made, and most of all when we share our story with others it allows God’s light to shine. What came to mind as I read the story you shared is that it seems to be one of spiritual growth. You’ve had years of preparation for this challenging time and through prayer and support of loved ones, you knew what to do. Your actions have allowed God’s light to shine so very bright that the darkness of doubt can only scatter and flee, in the name of Jesus! We always have Hope, and please know that you have someone who you’ve never even met praying for you.

  286. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. I’m 27, and I just had my second miscarriage 🙁 I have PCOS, so I ovulate very rarely. So it took me a long time to get pregnant, then when I did, I couldn’t maintain the pregnancy and had the miscarriages. It’s so hard but I am learning day by day to trust God more. I want to be a mom so badly. My husband and I are starting the adoption process. I’d love to adopt a child, and also have biological children of my own someday, Lord willing. Hugs to you Michaela <3

  287. Every time I see you and Brandon on t.v. I pray for you. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but God will answer your prayers. He sees your pain and has gathered up your tears of sorrow and will one day rain them down in showers of joy. You will be a mom, dear sister. Your faith inspires me to press on through those times when God seems silent. As He says in Jeremiah 29:11, He know the plans that HE has for you: plans for good, not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Our plans may not be His plans, but in time with your faith, He will show you that His plans were better and more perfect. Praying for you and, excited for what God is doing and going to do in your lives.

    In Jesus,
    Kristin in Ohio

  288. Hello, I completely understand what you are going through. I am 54 years old and was never blessed with the miracle of being a mother. I have been married for 33 wonderful years to a very loving, Godly and supportive man. He also in the beginning and still holds me close and tells me that maybe God had other plans for us. Like you I began to doubt because I wanted many children. Then as we would prayed I realized I was focusing on myself and what I wanted and blaming the single most important relationship in my life, my relationship with Christ our Lord and Savior. So I turned to the Bible and began to find solace in the scriptures and slowly began to realize that he had a different path for me. Like you we have beautiful nieces and nephews to love and cherish along with many godchildren. I have been able to use my time to help others volunteering in many different ways, each one giving me fulfillment. I still shed tears every now and then but I stay strong in God’s love and grace knowing that this is his plan is the right one, as I know you and Brandon do. I pray for you both and wish you the very best.

    “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” Philippians 4:13

    God Bless you both, Jenny

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